mlc rut

[pbetra]

PS .. basics in DB.
What are Your 180s? ...
What new Positive behaviors are you using to
Counter his negative images/justifications for periodically wanting out of the marriage?

*I was more of a 'take charge in & out the home' person (non domestic), more aggressive/solution oriented. More proactive socially. More independent. Less 'homey' & associated with laundry etc
...

You want him to realize his "data" about you is not real, or is outdated. You are not the woman he sometimes vilifies. You want him to second guess his lack of commitment to the marriage.But you can only do that by becoming the better choice.
What are your short term goals?

Wanted income.
To lose weight (I did)

By putting the focus on yourself and committing to it, I promise you that your life will improve at a much faster rate than it can by staring at him & "Observing".
Spend less time "REACTING" and all of your time proactively living your life well.
Your son is watching you more than you realize. You have to show him, by modeling it, that he is in charge of his own happiness.
Dig deep b/c the real journey in life is an inward one. Decide the traits YOU want to work on and the flaws you don't want to keep, and become the best Pbetra you can.

Thank you thank you thank you

================

To expand re above without distracting from your questions (incl. but not limited to other goals - medium term, ongoing ..):

what changed:

- I lost weight 20 lbs
- Got assignment for 1st time since here (which I was elated about!!).
- Started saying/acting "no" to h (THIS ONE is the 'mother of all changes, the biggie - as I 'AM fear.'

I recall when i first started here, desperately trying to get information re 'confrontation' for fear of just that! It was my daring to tell him "leave" with his ultimatum that resulted in the 'switched behaviour'. I cried that day, but not regretful & certainly woudln't hav done otherwise. I [i]couldn't do that a year ago, couldn't deny him intimacy when needed
- Started playing with expressive arts
- Started meditation not long ago
- started my own book too 25yrsmlc - just too brain strained to get past a particulur point, so it's 'marinating'! Am loving the images I am producing.
- Spent more time trying to figure c. for new year re c.'s issues & resolved (!) so much! ta da! C.is doing better at school - grades, demeanor, participation! Teacher is happy "had to" speak w/me!
- Less depression so far
- A little more retention of information (i mentioed this in a not posted yet b/c i wanted to answer you)

Would like:
- Would like to brand enough to get a desent flow of work
- *To travel even if staycations, day trips. More GAL
- *Combat fatigue. Get more help so I can LIVE more, & survive less
- Continue working on fear issues - I don't 'feel' it most of the time which is what is sooooo misleading! I 'feel normal' relative to the amount of fear I carry.