So, H came to the house by 1pm instead of 2pm as he told me. Well, by now I should always expect that it is his thing now, he always shows up an hour earlier.
I was making a big breakfast for the kids. H came to the kitchen and start asking how is my health, that he is worried about me. I said I am fine. H could see that I have an eye infection but I told him I went to the doctor in the morning and I was going to pick up some antibiotic later, H started telling stuff about work, just like before BD. I listened, and listened a little more.
But at some point I said very nicely that I am happy all those things are finally happening to him, that he worked very hard and for a very long time and now he can have some fun with it.
H knows me and got the message. Then he went to the living room and set there watching some TV cartoon with the boys. For over an hour it was life a funeral.
I continue making the breakfast and it was like he was not even there. Once I finished, called everyone and told H I sat a place for him too. He didn't wait a second and sat immediately.
I was super hungry, but decide do not eat with them. I said goodbye and left. I went out with a friend for walk, then we went for some shopping, then I went to work and came back home by 9:30pm.
H and kids had just finished dinner, when I came in H said Hi, I smiled and said hi to him, got a glass of wine and went to my bedroom. I put some music on, took a shower and sat on my bed writing to Tlee. Reading T's story about his wife leaving made me cry a lot. But, I start writing to him and thinking about that the words I wrote, they were also for myself.
By almost midnight H knocked my door and said that he was leaving, I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee, walked with him to the front porch. H was sad as usual, he kept looking at me. I was not cold, not angry, I was just there. Talking about S15 and his plans for football, the football camp, the visit to the doctor. And, for my surprise he didn't know much of anything. What a shame.
I thanked H for spending time with the boys and said that it is very good for them. H asked what I will be doing next weekend since it is Memorial Day holiday and I said that I am thinking to go white waters rafting, that by now the water is plenty and rough the way I like.
H said, yep, you always love that, plenty of water.
I did not answer, just said that I need to talk to the boys and see what they want to do. Then I said that if he wants to do something with the boys, that he can go ahead and do it, and that I would go by myself and he would be with the kids. He said that he was thinking to spend just a day with the kids.
H said goodbye twice, and made sure to give me a kiss, first on my cheek, then on my front head. I did not replay. H left like he had just buried his mom and dad, he was down, really sad.
So, awkward or not, I did what works. It was actually surprising for me that I was OK. I was not anxious or nervous, this time around it is more natural. I was just not there, looking for his company. H is noticing that things are changing, and he does not know what I am up to.
I also asked if he was leaving for another trip and he said that he is not going to be traveling much now, that he will be around and to call him if I need anything. No OW visitation lately, things are cooling off a bit.
I feel good, with a mix of sadness because I need to leave my house so my H can spend time with his kids. But if this is what will wake him up, then I will try it. I think I am finally understanding this whole detachment stuff, I can feel it.
