The "talk" scheduled for Saturday..

[Pyrite]

You did! ((((Pyrite))))

Thanks for all your advice, I will try the meditation, cause I could sure use some calm if I can find it..

Do you live by the beach?

Do you think that I am going mad with all my thoughts or do you think that I've been wrong about him all through R? Think finding out that I've been wrong about what kind of man he is, would hurt worse than if he actually had someone else. He has always seemed like a very good guy and I don't want to think that that's not the case. Why can't I believe that what I felt for so long is true, and that he's just not in love with me anymore. Why do I feel the need to make it about someone else?

Going for a difficult run in a few hours.. A looooong hill that I'm going to run to the top of and that ought to get my dopamine going good..

((((Pyrite))))

30 minutes to beach. But I work across the road from beach so spend my lunch breather, go for walks. NEVER used to when i was M though. Always rushing to pick up kids. Now every 2nd week - no kids.

I dont think WE are going mad, log-term anyway. And I dont think WE were wrong about them all along. They have just moved on and we are no longer the special people we were to them. It kills me, but that is the short of it. Things look bleak. But we are not the first and wont be the last people to go through this, and there is life on the other side. Even for those who take no other action that letting time heal all wounds, there is a brighter day. I have trouble seeing it some times. But it is there?

Making it about someone else would add up for you. It probably won't make you feel any better though. Then you will be wondering about other person all the time.

Another thing that I found "liberating" about forcibly detaching and becoming detached (an ongoing process) is the realization that I am in control of me. I can control my mind meditating, but I never really felt that I was in control of my emotions outside of this.

Realising that I am in control makes things "easier". I can choose to dwell on what I dont have or I can choose to focus on what I do. It docent make everything rosey, and it doesn't mean I am all good, but it does make things easier. At first it is just small moments of reprieve from being in agony. Then it is enough for you to decide I want more of that good feeling to replace this crap I live with otherwise. YOU choose it, there is nothing stopping you from DOING it, or at least trying to - AND you will fail a lot of the time, be prepared for this and dont punish yourself this. CONTROL-ably tell yourself that you lost this round, but next round you'll do better. I PROMISE YOU TULO - you won't fail every time, you will succeed, more and more.

Further down the track, you should be aiming to "let go". There is no reason you can't be thinking of that now, but it probably won't really happen until you have accepted that he just doesn't want this R. The R is finished. Then you detach emotionally from this (ongoing) and you "let go". This felt more real for me when I could "let go" and it didn't matter where to. Dont get me wrong though. This doesn't occur and then its over. You let go, then its back, you let go again, then its back. It's just like everything else along this road.

Look at Zeus. He is further down this road than what we are. But occasionally it still rears its head. My mum has been D 20+ years, now remarried 2+ years, and she says it still pops up occasionally.

What makes it really hard for me is seeing her moved on so easily/readily. Another thing to let go of.

have a good run