Hello. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on my situation. Quick background is wife and I are 44, married 13 years, together 22 years, two great boys age 9 & 6.
About a year and half ago, I noticed my wife being more distant and she was gone more often to her equestrian hobby. She also started talking to a counselor as she wasn't as happy as she thought she should be. I gave her some space, initially didn't fuss about her being gone more, as I thought it was a phase she was working through. After a couple months of seeing my in-laws at the end if the day more often than my wife, I did say that I was growing tired of not seeing her as much. She responded that she was avoiding me, tired of walking on eggshells etc. This really hurt and got my attention. I stated that we couldn't have positive interactions if she wasnt home. Got so bad that kids would make comments about her being gone so much and would beg her to stay home some nights but she would head out the door anyways.
I really stepped up my efforts as I thought she was going through a phase, though I was worried about her, as seeming lost and selfish are a bad combination. Then late July she drops the divorce on me. I was devastated and could not wrap my mind around what was going on. Our relationship had problems but divorce was never in my toolbox.
I was in shock but really picking up my efforts to change the outcome of this. We went to couples therapy but she wasn't into it and keeps insisting on divorce. Then a week before Christmas I get an email from another mans spouse that her husband and my wife are having an affair. She initially dances around but next day comes clean, sort if. Was still lying even when pretending to come clean. I was devastated again. I told her that if she cared at all about her family or kids that she needed to end this. She wouldn't.
Within a couple weeks of me finding out about affair, she has purchased a home (or more specifically her dad and step mom have purchased - I think, I'm not entirely clear on who did other than it wasn't out of our funds).
While this is going on, I learn that this guy is married but starting a divorce, has a young daughter around age 4, and that his wife he is leaving is pregnant with his baby, and that he has had multiple affairs, typically with married women.
Fast forward to now and my wife filed papers, is living in this house, and other guy is living there. We are sharing time with kids. She knows that introducing kids to significant other right away is not best choice but selfishness prevails again. I tried my hand that courts would be appalled at boyfriend staying over but the system failed me, and I currently have less than 50% of time with my kids. Kids seem to be handling all this OK but it has to affect them in some manner that none of us will know about for years.
I am skipping over the multitude of slimy lies and behavior. I don't know wtf has happened to my wife. My family is most important thing I will ever accomplish and I can't imagine voluntarily reducing my time with my kids via divorce. And to get involved with this guy and play a role in the demise of someone else's family? I'm just in shock at her behavior and she doesn't seem to think any part if it is a big deal. She us very full of herself right now and nothing seems to bother her. While I in the other hand am wrestling with being a part-time presence in my boys life, and still in shock at what she has proven to be capable of in terms of typical decency and morals. Not the same person I married or had children with. I'm disgusted and angry but also a bit worried about her. Its tough to flip off that switch with someone you've spent half your life with. I'm skipping over many of the ugly details but this us the gust if it. So many things to wrestle with in this, but I am mist at peace with it when I do have the kids; they are beyond great kids and I hope to keep it that way despite the really rotten circumstances our family is in.
Divorce won't be final for a few months yet. Still trying to figure my wife out, though I don't suspect I ever will be able to. Thanks for giving me another outlet to vent. Divorce is exhausting and so much worse than I had ever imagined.
