The "talk" scheduled for Saturday..

[Tulo]

Haha, thanks on the English, but that means you need to brush up on Swedish real quick...

Just woke up, 5.30 in the morning and as usual my anxiety is worst in the mornings. Couldn't help myself but went on FB and saw that he was online 4 hours ago.. My mind is totally a mess because I start to think "Was he just on FB to look around or did he chat with someone? Has he been lying and is not at all the stand up guy that everyone thinks but really just a lying bastard after all?

The fact that he can be checking out FB while for example waiting for his teenage girls come in for the night, doesn't feel like a possibility in my mind, he must have lied.

What the he'll is wrong with me? I've known him very well and intimately and he has so far NEVER said anything to me that turned out to be a lie, but always done and acted exactly as he said. So why can't I take what he says as the truth?
He's not in love with me anymore and he's not interested in another R, or does he have any contact with someone else. It's like it's so impossible for me why he doesn't want to continue so that in my mind it has to do with someone else.. He is the furthest thing from a player I've ever been involved with, still I think of him like playing the field with the best of them..

When we first met, he'd been single for 1 1/2 years and at first, even though he was the one who wanted us to get together for a date, he was not interested in a R. He wanted to be single, and be able to do what he wanted, as he had felt that wasn't an option in previous R.

However, he brought with him some of the restraints he had in that R into ours, and sometimes felt guilty for taking time to do stuff for himself, even though I tried to get him to understand that it was all good with me. Guess 17 years doesn't disappear as easy as that.

I understand what you are saying about not waiting.. I know that I need to move on with my life, but the thought of ever involving myself with someone else just feels like a nightmare right now. I feel as if I'm done with R! I'm tired of being heartbroken and feel like if/when I get over this, I'm better off alone.

I hope that won't last. But I never felt quite the same before.. It feels like if I can't get it to work with one of the good guys, I'm never gonna find a R that lasts forever
And that is what I want..

Ok, as you can see dear Pyrite, anxt is high, feeling sorry for myself and more or less ready to give up on men forever.

Sorry to lay it all on so thick but that is how I feel now, mornings suck, but I send a big hug to you for being so kind to post and it does help, and just because I think we all can use a good hug every now and again!