Part 19 - keeping on keeping on

[edz]

Morning all

Bit grey and dull but a good morning anyway.

Thanks V and Jim, as I've said one thing I understand about depression now is - with a very very few exceptions - its not a banged toe. It doesn't 'get better', you do, you live with it, understand it and don't get overtaken by it. The black dog is there but it doesn't have to drag you places you can leash and muzzle it and have it walk to heel that's my big takeaway from my counselling and how I'll live a happier life after this.

I think it was Gan who asked me about 'thing' last and I replied over in that thread. All along I haven't dug into w's dealings so I cant say anything absolutely for sure, I cant go into what 'thing' was but from the way I originally heard about it it had never gone anywhere even before w started to come forwards on reconciling. I'll never say it cant become a "THING" but for now I reconciled that it wasn't a worry point for me, I also chilled out and reduced my worries anyway as they were counter productive to being a better me and certainly to reconciliation.

Not much of an answer I know but I've dropped my concern on it - at least for now.

So after my post yesterday w called and wasn't too well, rainstorm was going on and she asked that although it was very cheeky of her could I go and get her some bits from the pharmacy to save dragging s out. before we started, (I suppose this is now piecing), I would have been hesitant but probably done it (good neighbour and I obviously care for her) now no problem at all in this, I said of course no problems and went at lunchtime stopping for a sneaky coffee before heading back to work.

Ended up going over last night for dinner (and wine). On the way in met up with the former (well still there) next door neighbour who I spoke to before leaving the flat, he was impressed with the weight loss and told me he's going to be leaving and renting out the place from September so was letting me and w know.

Over dinner s,w and I had a nice meal then s went to watch something on the laptop and w and I had a nice chat over wine, not just reconciliation but about son and lots of other things.

W is open about her mum, no she hasn't told her yet, yes she will and given neighbours comments probably we will start to look at places in the next couple of months (she doesnt want people downstairs as she's so noise phobic - current neighbour is not there very often).

I said I have no issues with that at all and welcome it but I want to make sure she is comfortable about us and not feeling rushed (IMHO we need to move a little closer before we move into the same place, I'm very - very - happy and grateful about staying over even on the sofa but that's not where I want us to be when we're considering a new home together) I will not pressure or hold her to time-frames and she knows that.

She said before she left on BD she'd had to lead a double life with her mum knowing the truth and me not, now it's reversed and she wants that to end as soon as she can.

Listened, validated and we had a good conversation and a good evening.

Read to s while he had his bath (yes V - gills coming any day now) and at bed time s started to tantrum over something, I just as always now remained calm and talked but w came into his room and told him not to talk to his father that way and then we had a unified response to him (without discussing it) calmly talked him down and he was laughing and settled and quietly went to sleep.

To my knowledge the first time w has ever defended me to s and she was impressed that we silently coordinated and calmed him, that was a really good experience.

I had previously said to w after my last stay I would bring a change and my spare washbag in case but I wasn't being assumptive just wanted to be able to get washed and changed if I did stay - she could still ask for her space and I would go home (providing I hadnt drunk more wine that was allowable when driving) she said fine that was absolutely understandable and no issue. I did end up staying on the sofa again.

So this morning was woken up by WFT at ~6am and then got slept on for a while amidst a lot of loud purring and w came into the lounge at about 7:30 we had a brief chat before I got up and had a shower / shave / change etc.

Was an odd moment as I was obviously sleeping in boxers/t-shirt etc so the first time w has seen me anything less than fully dressed. At least I know I'm 3 trouser sizes smaller now and boy am I glad I've been doing those leg exercises lol!

Brief coffee and catchup with w and s before I had to get back to feed the BFT before work and here I am.

S is coming over tonight, has maths tutor in the morning (I don't think w is coming though of course she is welcome), 'WOW' friend and son are coming over tomorrow for me to take a look at her desktop pc and then we're heading off to another coding day with both boys, w would have liked to come but has things to catch up on she cant do in the week - also a good idea to demonstrate she doesnt have to come along on everything as we move forwards as Im serious she should still have her own time - as should I in M 2.0.

Sunday we're planning a family day again so a busy one upcoming again!

Keeping on keeping on, 225 days seems doable again today although still ensuring low expectations if not quite 'none' but certainly nothing that will crush me if we have a quiet period, the next few months is all about w getting to where she tells me she wants to be before she faces talking with MIL and we move into happily working on looking for potential new homes and how 2.0 will work.

Cheers all.

[edz]

Aaaand haircut managed, also noted I no longer have pain when walking 1-2 miles at a fair pace so weight is helping there.

Need to have a shower and wash it since the length is fine but for some reason "some product" when she does it always results in me looking like a mad coconut. Hey ho.

On the way back w called s isnt going to his sports this afternoon as he wanted to give it a miss after a busy week, w is still feeling off colour too so I'm going to go round after work and pick him up (wont be staying bar a coffee as I think she needs a bit of down time from s as well as me after a busy week) of course she can always offer but I wont be suggesting anything

Catch you all later.

[Vanilla]

Smiling with delight for Edz, S and BFT.

Even for the coconut......

V

[edz]

Thanks v

A second shower tamed the coconut style

[Dawn70]

Your recent posts make my heart smile, Edz. Thanks for that! I'm so thrilled for you and how far you have come. Your R with both your W and your S is a source of inspiration. Positive and happy thoughts your way, my friend!

[edz]

Well been a busy one so far. Maths this morning and his coding event this afternoon as well as some exciting housework!

Wow friend and her son came here and we went to the coding thing in one car boys invited each other for the evening so s is there until later. Let w know where he is and she suggested we head out for dinner so off in a bit to meet up for curry.

Will just be an hour or two before I need to pick up s bit still nice to spend time together

Update later.

[edz]

Nice dinner and we had a bit more of a chat. W is still working through a lot but she is thinking ahead to the degree of talking about us potentially renewing vows next year for our 15th so very positive. Nothing changing short term but thats ok one day at a time

Dropped her back at the flat and shes coming around tomorrow morning and well head out for the day, went on and picked s up and he's all tucked up now so just chilling out although I got into a battle with some kettle chips which could only be won by eating them oh dear! Ah well back on the wagon tomorrow.

So a very busy but good one today. Time for bed.

Cheers all.

[edz]

Your recent posts make my heart smile, Edz. Thanks for that! I'm so thrilled for you and how far you have come. Your R with both your W and your S is a source of inspiration. Positive and happy thoughts your way, my friend!

Hi dawn

You're very welcome its been a long road and the three of us aren't at the end yet, there are likely hidden dips and potholes but I'll keep going.

Have a good evening matey and thanks to you and everyone here who's helped me come so far especially in the down times

[kippz]

I just read your sitch and good for you that you are piecing now. How I wish my H and I could be like that soon.

[rd500]

Hi Edz. You shod be immensly proud of yourself for what you have done to change things around for you and S to start and how you stood for your M second


It would have been easy to give in after all W said and did but you where strong so well done mate

Take care. Rd