I think you're right on the mark, Painter. After I declined those friendly offerings, W didn't even reply to the further instructions I sent her regarding the divorce papers (case number, location of server-process office)... but she contacted me one more time to wonder if she could buy me some cherries (my favorite summertime snack). To which I said no thank you. But the attitude is exactly what you say-- if we could still be friends, then she will get to believe that her decisions were trivial and resulted only in happiness for all.
That's a great punchline to your story, that the one you're not friends with is the one who cheated. It actually helps me to hear that; I still had some faint glimmer of an idea that there was some reason I should expect we could be friends (very, very faint) and reading what you wrote reminded me of how badly I've been treated-- she used her adultery to *punish* me-- and no, friends don't traumatize friends.
