Wayward Wife and LRT Part 3

[Defacto]

De facto, awesome job! That is encouraging. I just dealt with my first blaming, bait and then tears and some mention of second guessing.

Still keeps me in the same sitch, filing for divorce, moving out, seeing other man. Having no expectations is incredibly hard for me, but I know that's what I need to do. Keep up the progress!

Thanks Rip. A long way to go for both of us for sure! Don't let what happened derail your momentum. Stay focused!

I wonder if part of this is because you went out last night.

Stay the course.

So...camping on Sunday.

No electronics?????

Completely unplug.

Tell wife in advance and let her feel what it's like to just be completely out of touch with her children for just one night. Not that you are concerned with what she feels or not....rather, YOU could use a night where you don't check your phone to see if she's called or texted and having to manage her feelings of missing the kids or not. The consequences may be felt or not...either way you get a night to just focus on your child.

Also let your DD4 KNOW you are doing this. Kids...especially young girls, need to see their parents (fathers especially) "unplug" from the internet to spend time in real human interactions. As the father of a children who live connected to their phones, I can't stress enough the importance of this lesson early on. It should be a habit that you do this. Might also be something you explain to your wayward wife: "listen...I will be turning off my phone and unplugging from the electronic world tonight and tomorrow to spend time with DD4 and teach her that "unplugging" is important before she gets older, plugs in and disappears into her phone like every other young girl I see out there".


Finally. If you wife has to work sunday and she comes to you discussing this second thoughts thing again....maybe..maybe (using your own judgment here) you could invite her to come along. Call in sick to work and come camping with you and your daughter on the condition she "unplugs" too.

We are always trying to watch their actions instead of listening to their words. Well, calling in sick and not taking the opportunity to see or speak to OM in order to go camping with her husband and child would be an action consistent with her actually having second thoughts. It's not lights out "we are recovering". She misses her family and time with you but doesn't really know why and she could just take this offer, come and "eat cake" so to speak and decide to be back on the divorce train monday (so NO expectations). But your daughter would LOVE to see you all together and it might make any impending divorce better for her. Some last memories together having fun. No heavy relationship talk. No chasing. If she rejects the invite...no biggie.

Just a thought.

GB,
Thanks so much for your thoughts considering my sitch. I am strongly considering a no phone trip (other than to take pics) and mainly out of respect for my time together with D4. It would be great to not be lured by the phone the whole trip. We are actually going to be camping for two nights so it will be a little longer for STBX to deal with no contact. I can pitch it to her that I just need some time to relax and reflect without distractions. I can text her once to let her know we got there safe and that's it.

As far as her joining us, that's not really an option because I have invited a buddy and his son to join us.

ahhh, ok. disregard that part of the post I just entered (I'm still on a delay so I don't know if my last post will go in before this post above or after it).

An idea. Get you and daughter a couple of those disposable maybe waterproof camera's or whatever they sell now at CVS versus using and being concerned with and tempted by the phone. Remember, when you explain it to WW it's all about your relationship going forward with DD4 hereafter. When she's 10-20 years old, the tradition you've done FOR YEARS NOW getting away a couple days and locking the phones in the glove box until the car trip home will be a great thing for your relationship whether you recover with wife or not.

Instead of inviting her this weekend...maybe drop that maybe next trip she could come along. Don't flat out ask her but as this weekend strings out and she misses DD4 (and you) she'll consider how bad she wants to be there and how she is definitely going to be there the next trip (and thereafter).

Again...I could be completely off about her thoughts and concerns. She could go out with girlfriends to the bar and tie one on dancing with 20 guy drowning herself in wayward entitlement and selfishness. Waywardism is a sad and lonely place of debauchery, escapism, isolation and desolation. Sometimes the "lighthouse" has to focus 100% of it's attention on the healthy and welfare of the kids who are also adrift in this mess.

GB,
STBX will have S1 with her while D4 and I go camping. Her parents are out of town. So unless she has a sitter lined up, I doubt she will head out for a night on the town. But, even if she does, no concern of mine, as long as S1 is safe.

However, STBX and I both took vacation days next week because we knew her parents would be out of town and we would have a childcare issue. Our initial plan before BD was to go on a week long family camping trip. Obviously, plans changed for that trip over the last few months. Anyway, all that to say, I did consider maybe throwing together a last minute day trip on Friday with the kids and nonchalantly inviting STBX. Still mulling over this though. Plus, STBX may have some plans later in the week. Who knows...