Wayward Wife and LRT Part 3

[Kramer]

I know I'm not supposed to be available for STBX but I also don't want to hold her hostage by withholding contact from her kids.
I knew she was really missing D4. So, when she called again this morning, I answered, but only so she could talk with D4.

I said hello and immediately put D4 on the phone. D4 told STBX to call back tonight LOL. Then, I started to say my goodbyes when she said "wait, before you rush me off."

STBX begins to say that she has really been missing me, been thinking about things, and is starting to have second thoughts. She starts to cry. I give her space to talk and cry. I can tell she is waiting for a response from me so I say, "yeah it's really crazy right now with everything going on." She agrees with me.

STBX cries for about 30 seconds to a minute and their is just silence on my end of the phone. She says that our MR wasn't bad all the time and begins to say things like she never thought it would end up like this, etc. I responded by saying that if I had it to do all over again, I would do a lot of things differently. And she said that she would too.

It felt like a good spot to be vulnerable, so I briefly apologized for neglecting our MR, not doing enough to cherish her, not doing enough to work on MR. I said I was sorry that she felt alone and isolated in our MR. I then thanked her for the kids.

I told her to drive safe and get some rest. She tearfully said goodbye.

The whole exchange seemed very similar to the one Kramer just had with his WW. I was thankful that I was able to call upon his sitch and how he handled it to help with mine.

I tried to not pursue STBX but I also wanted to capitalize on the moment to validate her feelings and also show her that I have been thinking about and would be willing to work on my share of the MR problems.

It's also important to note what I didn't hear from STBX:
-no remorse for A
-no responsibility for her own role in A and MR problems
-no outward expression to work on MR

So, not going to make too much out of the conversation other than I need to continue on my present course, as it seems to be having some impact on STBX. But more importantly, my present course has been great for me in beginning to heal and move forward with my life, with or without STBX.

Wow, this does sound similar to my recent experience. Like you, I also did not hear anything from my wife about reconciliation or a willingness to work on things. There was definitely sadness, embarrassment, and regret, but I'm not sure about remorse. Accept it for what it is: your wife feels sad, lonely, and has some regret...and that's it for the moment. You may get more, or you may not. It's important that you remain strong and keep working on you. The heavy lifting has to come from her.

I know that I was on such a high for 24 hrs after talking with my wife, and then the reality set in that nothing has really changed. We're still living apart, divorce is still moving forward, and she is likely still seeing OM. It blows, but that is the reality of our situation.