To eavesdrop or not to eavesdrop?

[COG]

My wife of 14 years and I have been separated for two years now. We have 4 children. We have done all the usual counseling and group activities for reconciliation, but she is still in the ILY but am not ILWY feeling. We have a more intimate and honest relationship now than we ever have. We pray and talk intimately together. While our friendship continues to grow, we are both growing weary of this limbo we seem to be caught in. We take one day at a time and keep hanging on with hope.

My wife has always maintained friendships with other men which I have always supported because I have trusted her and she is a person that is trustworthy. Recently, she has developed an intimate freindship with a M co-worker who is going through a divorce. She insists there is nothing more than friendship; however, I am scared to death. She does'nt know it, but I have been monitoring her e-mails. Nothing in her writing indicates she has any interest in him other than friendship, but he clearly wants to pursue her. She is a very attractive woman, and he is a handsome young man. I am almost completely convinced that there has been no infidelity to date. Monitoring her e-mails has kept me in the light; however, it is driving me crazy with jealousy. I want to know whats going on but at the same time I don't want to know. She speaks very friendly, caring and intimate with him, but does not cross the line indicating any interest in him other than friendship. Is this an EA? Should I keep monitoring the e-mails even though it is killing me to know she has such an intimate male friend? This jealously I am dealing with is causing me to be more needy, and clingy, which is making her feel more trapped and is pushing her further away. I don't want to be ignorant if she has an affair, but I don't want to slide back into being a wet noodle either. What a screwed up mess this is!