The "talk" scheduled for Saturday..

[Tulo]

So get good and mad about it. Stop acting pathetic. My goodness, have you forgotten that you don't catch a man by running after him, tackling, wrapping yourself around his legs......while he's dragging you across the floor, trying to make his escape. (Emotionally, that's what you have been doing.)

This man never M you, right? You said he pursued you for six months? Then the chase ended, and now you've lost his attention and affection. Maybe for him, it's all about the chase.

For some people, you just can't smother them in a relationship. Calling a million times a day is a bit extreme, wouldn't you say? Leaves little time for anything else.

I believe he has tried to let you go gently, and you just aren't getting the message. He has moved on. I think this is what his talk will be about.

Keep your dignity, stay poised, and have the spunk to hold your head high and leave him standing in the whirlwind you make as you turn and leave. You deserve better.

Hi Sandi2,

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm very appreciative and thankful for your experience and thoughts!

You are right, we are not married. I have been married before, he hasn't and I'm not sure I'll ever walk down the aisle again, with him or anybody. But never to say never, I might change my mind but we haven't got their yet anyway and now it certainly doesn't seem to be happening.

You are right, he pursued me in the beginning, and I didn't want to get together as he also said that he wasn't interested in a R, but still was curious about me.

He had been in his previous R for 17 years, and said that he felt very much controlled by her and that he never was allowed to do stuff on his own like riding his dirt bike (not sure that's the right word it's like a motorcycle you drive in the woods) with his friend as she always felt that he left her alone with nothing to do and could keep silent for days afterwards if he did it anyway.

So in the end I gave in and met up with him, and we started dating until I said I had enough because I wanted a R and couldn't go on with him if he was sure he didn't want R, to big a risk to get hurt. He said he didn't want to lose me and then we had 2 years where he was very committed, quite protective and worried if he saw comments on my pics on FB from other men and so on.

He was very much apart of the intensive calling going on, and I felt like he wanted it that way and felt good about that.
Nonetheless, here we are and it's over. He doesn't feel the same and don't want a R any more. And he has promised himself after his previous R ended, not to stay in something where he wasn't feeling it, as he felt he'd been persuaded to stay many times over in previous R.

He is quite shy as a person, I did the first move to kiss him for example and he's not at all the womanising kind. I asked him how long it would have taken him to kiss me, he said quite some time. He is however a bit of pushover and always tries to be there for his friends, helping them with their houses and stuff, not leaving much time for himself. I don't believe that he's lied to me, but hell, what do I know.

I've tried to keep my cool with him, used your "rules" as much as I can and not begged or pleaded with him to stay with me.
I was very much upset that he didn't reach out when I went through this with my dog, but he sent a text and called on the same day as I put him down and was very supportive and kind.
He said he wanted us to keep in touch and I said that I had felt a bit unsure of this, and he said that I shouldn't.

My plan now is to GAL, work on my running, and do the NC/180 rules as much as I can. I did however ask how he has been when I spoke to him, and realised afterwards that that was a big no no so I have much room for improvement.

I hope to find as I work on myself, that I can get over this in case he doesn't come back. I 3 weeks he's going to the US for 5 weeks of work. When he was there last summer, he had a pretty hard time of it, contacting me when he woke up, as he had a break from work, well you get the point. All the time, and I felt he needed a lot of support at that time. Now that's gone and all I can hope for is that he realises that it's a loss and maybe get him thinking..

Any advice or 2x4's you have, is very much appreciated Sandi.
I don't think he is out chasing OW, I could be wrong, but I don't think so. If he is, I'll gladly send him on his way with a boot size 8 in the rear end! But I'll have no reason to think that just yet, I truly think he want's to be on his own and not have a R.

Thanks again for posting! I sure need it!
Hug!