mlc rut

[25yearsmlc]

My point about labeling the WAS versus the MLCer is --

what's the point?

OUR COURSE OF ACTION IS THE SAME...

Sure, there could be value in knowing what to expect, which is that 'everyone is different", but I fear that some of the folks who label their spouse as "MLCer"

are making 2 mistakes that will cost them dearly. Pbetra, please don't be offended, okay? But you've been here a year so let's give this a whirl.

1) they are taking the focus OFF of themselves and whatever role they played in the demise of their marriage; losing out on the one side of this whole ordeal that is actually positive, which is OUR self growth;

(and btw, I have rarely seen even a true "MLCer" spin out of control when they'd been truly happy and content in the marriage, before)

and

2) the LBSer who keeps labeling their spouse, ends up wasting time waiting to see "what happens next" instead of GAL, doing 180s and essentially they ignore the whole concept behind DBing

which is that since we are all we control, we have to take charge of OUR lives and live them well.

Sitting around staring at the MLCer and "diagnosing" them ---instead of working on our own lives,

under the misguided notion that if we do nothing, THEN they might come home,

is a waste of our precious time. Reading this thread made me feel that Pbetra had taken pieces of DBing, the MLC part and then slapped the label on her h

not digging deep to own her own part yet sometimes vaguely saying she was 'taking all the blame" (while not actually working on those traits, or at least if she was, we don't know b/c they are not mentioned, specifically)

AND

I've seen other posters around, who make me worry that there's a whole lot of "isn't my MLC Wife just crazy??" going on when there could be a lot more of

Here's what I'm going to do to improve the life of my children and ME".

Oh -- as to the GAL in Alaska, remember that aside from H's issues, and wanting to stay forever or go back there,

I was dealing with a lot of cold darkness (literally, I mean). So I HAD to do things to keep from surrendering to it. I noticed several other wives sort of disappearing into their homes til spring returned (or going back home to the lower 48)

or just drinking like crazy til the sun came back (I always thought of that as "Plan B")

But yes, it was by far - the hardest I've ever worked, to just be alright. Fortunately for me it got better and all the effort paid off.

Hope this helps.