Whoa, I'm not suffering much anymore! Now what?!?

[Pyrite]

Its all about LINES again isn't it. Life in general is. One man's trash is anothers treasure. One man's healthy need is another's unhealthy addiction. Sorry this is a bit of journalling here, I need to clarify this to get a picture of where I am headed:

I have an addictive personality. Some aspects (drugs,alcohol) are pretty hard to argue were anything other than troublesome, unhealthy addictions. It is true that I still functioned, achieved and got through it, but no doubt I would have coped with my life at that time much better LESS the drugs.

The same personality (disorder) has lead to me being a perfectionist, over-analytical. Even these are extreme descriptions carrying negative connotations but my point is that these qualities almost define how successful you are in my field of work.

This same personality is born arguably from my genetic make up and life experience. This experience was interpreted through a filter that was constructed in my early development. This filter possibly evolved but I dont think my filter/personality changed dramatically from that carved in my early development. It probably isn't unreasonable to describe it like this: personalities in general have to be balanced. So there is a complimentary, opposite to particular aspects. In my case, both sides of the same trait can be seen in for e.g. above.

This perfectionism leaks into my life and Rs, but what killed my M included another personality trait. Starting from the healthy need end - all i needed/wanted was for my partner to make me feel special. The unhealthy part was that I NEEDED acceptance to support low self-esteem, not just wanted this to support a healthy R. My behaviour was to set my W up to check she wanted/needed/loved me.

In this case I have to stop the destructive behaviour (Abstinence). Obviously this follows from my NEEDing her acceptance which I have to modify. I "need" this because of low-self esteem issues which is deeply ingrained.

So the "issue" whether it is porn, drugs, controlling - i think you have to tackle it from both ends, not either/or. In all cases require a tailored fix as well. Alcoholism obviously altering the behaviour is paramount, and then addressing the underlying causes. Where as my case ^^ is probably more the other way around.