Old dog seeks new trick 13

[PigPen]

Maybe just think of the higher power as the part of yourself that sees more than you do with your eyes OD. Like if you look back on your life now and can find coincidences, chance meetings, and/or times when you thought you wanted something and then later realized that you're glad you never got it. And see how they all fit together in a pattern that's just slightly above your rational mind to comprehend or could comprehend at the time.

There's an intelligence to you that doesn't reside in your brain, or upstairs, but is a deeper knowing part of you that you not get to tap into often.'

Maybe that will help. Or just like you said, "I can exercise that power or relinquish it consciously or unconsciously" - when it happens unconsciously, that's what a lot of people describe was work of a higher power. It doesn't have to be outside of yourself.

Also, sorry to hear about your situation, my heart goes out to you.