Coming back from my emotional abuse

[GoRoPo]

Thanks again Fogg.

A few specific questions:

1) A big part of the original problem was my un-involved-ness, selfishness, doing what I wanted when I wanted. I know that this has been discussed here before.

Today she is taking the girls to a friend's house, and she invited me to come along with. I mind-read that this is primarily because she knows how important it is to me to see the kids and she doesn't want to "hoard" them. Either way, I am fine giving her space and going to do something else tonight.

I assume that I shouldn't tell her "No, it's fine. I'd like to but I'll give you some space. I'll go XXXXX", right? What should I say instead?

2) Should I just NOT WORRY about her, her depression, hiding upstairs, etc? Just act as if everything is OK? Seems so weird to me, to act all peppy and happy when she's clearly moping around.

3) I know that she thinks that separation is imminent. It came up last week in therapy, etc. As I said before, I am (was?) willing to concede me moving out as a point of repentance, good faith, call it what you will. How do I now reverse that and tell her that if she wants to move out she is welcome to, but I will be staying, without seeming like a complete a-hole?

4) Therapy seems to be bringing up these issues and exacerbating them. I know for a fact that when it went in her head from me being "crappy" to me being "emotionally abusive" it was a big blow and sticking point. She has told me that on more than one occasion, and even just that terminology is making it harder for her to forgive.

I know that it's something that we have to work through, but do you guys think that therapy is still the right course of action here? Our therapist is great, but she isn't a divorce busting therapist -- or rather she seems very pro marriage but maybe is holding her cards close to the vest to deal them out at appropriate strategic times. Not sure if she has a plan, but I'd hope so.