Zelda - hang me up to dry

[Zelda09]

General update:
I look amazing in my underwear right now.
Other things to be grateful for:
Decided to be courageous and not pursue corp job to replace one I lost. Doing the hippie thing, getting a room ready for air bnb, maybe Uber. Had a good day finishing a commissioned piece I've been sitting on forever and am taking in a new group to coach. I want to build my business giving private art lessons to kids and adults, take on consulting and grant writing work. I am excited. I know I will be fine, perhaps be able to make as much or more as I was before. It will be a different kind of stress. I'm ready. I feel free in so many ways.

STBX, I never needed you as badly as I thought. For someone who claimed I didn't pay his bills, have to tell you, I'm spending about 2 grand less each month without you here. It's a miracle. I am pursuing the dream I thought was years away. I wanted kids, but now - I don't fret over needing 8-5 job for that health ins. And I don't miss your breakfasts and hugs as much as I *miss* your irrational statements, passive aggressive attacks (most recent - "I am shocked at my ability to not call you names right now" amid spew with other F bombs- yes, I'm very impressed with this basic maturity also), and I don't miss you throwing our R, engagement and M up as 'why are we even here' every time you felt like I was not someone worth dealing with or showing consideration to. I don't miss your twisting, manipulation, and feeling like I was being pushed away or taken for granted. I hope you're eating entire boxes of donuts and spending your nights sitting at bars guzzling beer and imagining the bartender thinks you're cool. It is what makes you happy - and re your last text to me - that I'm delusional and you're so much better off without me - well, it's nice to agree on something.

He asked me today to come get more things this weekend. No, not all. He has no ability, no friends to help him move, no place to store...I offered if I could secure help...told him I'd appreciate his help with closure, and he changed subject to a book he thinks is here. Never acknowledged.

I'm over this. I've asked a 3rd party to step in and assist with closing this up, STBX says he says he just wants to be free - but tells me he can't because, can't because...I am tired of feeling like a toy some big cruel cat is batting around for its own amusement.