Coming back from my emotional abuse

[GoRoPo]

Hi all,

Sorry to start another thread. I think my first story was WAY too long and didn't get many responses.

NUTSHELL:

Me: 37, her 36
2 kids, D8 D5
T 19.5 M 12.5 (since we were both 17)

I was moody, distant, sarcastic, angry, resentful, un-involved, individuated, emotionally abusive(?) for the last number of years. I brought home the bacon, I "expected her to do her job".

Wife started EA with friend, wrote me BD letter in May 2014.

Began marriage and individual counselling, I discovered EA and revealed my porn habit. Things changed and were way, way good for about 6 months.

A month ago: Her: "I'm just feeling very 'done'"

Counselling continues. We are friends under the same roof right now. Over the month she has been up and down towards me and the relationship, right now pretty down, feeling stuck and depressed

I am a COMPLETELY different person since the original bomb drop. I finally saw what I was doing and completely changed behavior. I consider, and I think she would agree, that I am now a great father and (potentially) great husband.

However, she feels "broken", and out of love, and doesn't know if she can ever be with me again. Frankly, I don't blame her and could see totally understand if not. I was mostly terrible to her for probably 8-ish years.

Separation has been discussed. She hasn't asked for it yet. Seems that we might be headed that way. Despite the general recommendations here, right now I feel that it might be a good thing to get and give some space.

I also feel like perhaps I should be the one to move out, because I do feel very at fault for what has happened.

Also, I have held on to this marriage very, very tightly for the last year since the BD. Makes me think that my temporarily moving out might be a 180 from what ISN'T working.

Just so confused right now. I took this amazing woman, relationship, fairy tale, and just crapped all over it and flushed it down the toilet.

What's the move right now?