She called while driving into work ... I was able to get back to 'center' call it detached or whatever .. its the place where I am not as emotionally vested.
She is not happy with her job, since she was laid off back in 2009 she has not been happy, in fact she has been miserable .. so miserable at work, MLC, miserable at home .... its not been a great time for the past 6 years.
With all the rewriting history she blames me for a good chunk, according to her I was out drinking all the time ... the truth is I had 2 jobs, the second one was DJing, I was out .. but it was not like she makes it sound .. it was just a job, the pay was nice and something I thought she wanted. I have since then ... the past 2 years cut down from 3 nights a week to just one, I actually get paid that one night the same as what I used to get paid for 2. We talked about this ... seems its hard to get them to see things for how they really were when they have built up this whole other reality in their heads.
I was more calm during the talk which calmed her a bit ... she was testing me here and there, threatening the old MLC stuff ... I validated to a point but also expressed as much as I would like to make the M work, I know I would be ok either way, this seemed to change her tone a bit.
Ended the call .. not that things are all better but she did TM me "I'm sorry I'm so horrible. I hate my unstable life and what I am doing to you both (S and I I suspect). She mentioned early this morning that she "wasn't a bad person but I am now" blaming me for that.
Looking at this as detached as I can, there seems to be a wrestling match going on, its PMS time so thats not a shocker, but the struggle with guilt, misplaced blame ... she is the youngest so she never really has accepted responsibility. Pair that with her not having all that she wanted/thinks she deserved according to her .. its really weighing on her. "Time is ticking" has been used alot as of late.
I hope to try to stay centered and get through the weekend, even suggested that I was ok with taking a break, she did not seem to want this but neither of us wants to fight over the weekend either .... guess I will play things by ear and see where it ends up.
