Make Love in the Middle of a Warzone

[NDY]

2 years minimum - well that squarely places us in the self-focus zone doesn't it.

Thanks Cadet

^^ This. I'm a year into this from her perspective (her PA is only 15 days short of a year, not sure how long the EA went on before she moved up a gear). So where will I be in another year? I really don't know, but it won't be here.

[Cadet]

Do you have an opinion on what I asked about MIL in that same post?

In your specific case, no, since you know it much better than I do.
In general blood is almost always thicker than water,
I have seen it go both ways, in my own case my in laws are the source of the problems IMHO, I always had a good relationship with them, for 25 years, then when I was no longer needed(by wife) they no longer needed me either.
I have seen other long term marriages where their is still a good relationship with the in-laws, although the couple is divorced.

So I guess I would say keep an open mind, and do what works.

[Pyrite]

it really emphasises "marathon not a sprint". I admire your tenacity NDY.

[NDY]

it really emphasises "marathon not a sprint". I admire your tenacity NDY.

Thank you.

[Pyrite]

Thanks for your input. If anything my R with inlaws is better now than ever. Months ago, before I came here I sent them a letter saying basically this same thing "blood is thicker than water", at some point our relationship will have to dissappear as you turn to support your daughter. But to my amazement - so far this hasn't happened. Probably because she won't let them in. She doesn't want to admit to the A. Hence moving to the other side town is a big drawcard for W.

[Pyrite]

so - my hope months ago was that just like Sandi's WW thread(s), she knows it is wrong and this would turn her around. but that doesn't seem to be happening and she is eager to facilitate the R with OM by selling the house.

I was going to stall on selling, but now I am thinking it is better for ME to buy her out and send her on her merry way.

[Cadet]

I am thinking it is better for ME to buy her out and send her on her merry way.

YES!
If you can!

[NDY]

so - my hope months ago was that just like Sandi's WW thread(s), she knows it is wrong and this would turn her around. but that doesn't seem to be happening and she is eager to facilitate the R with OM by selling the house.

I was going to stall on selling, but now I am thinking it is better for ME to buy her out and send her on her merry way.

Hi Py

This of course is your choice. I've been to that table several times now, and each time we go round in circles. But, once I stepped of the roller coaster, and with a few choice posts on this very board I decided that I will only make decisions based on logic and not emotions. I'm only glad that nothing has happened long enough for me to get on an even keel or I would really have regretted some of the choices i 'could' have made.

[Pyrite]

does that mean you chose NOT to buy her out? why was that?

[NDY]

does that mean you chose NOT to buy her out? why was that?

Not quite. I can't afford our house on my own but she can if I accept a reduced share of the equity. The law here is very specific where a) no one party is allowed to profit from the D and b) the equity (in the case of a buy out) is the net value of the property and NOT what you think it will sell for. She was hoping I would accept the current 'selling' average for properties of our type in our area. Problem is that I work in that field and have access to incredible amounts of data so I completely disagree that I should take a reduced cut for both those reasons. However not so long ago I would have done just that.