Make Love in the Middle of a Warzone

[Pyrite]

25 posted on Huddy's thread..

Do the 180s and do NOT monitor for results til at least 90 days have passed. If there are signs of her changing anything before then, you'll see much more by NOT staring at her waiting...

I can't be sure if 25 will get to this, being in such demand and all, so I will just rant.

Its probably not 90 days since I did a genuine 180. To be honest I don't think I have even yet accomplished the 180 I need to do to have any effect at all. I stopped pursuing nearly 4 months ago. I stopped any R-ish talk ~3 months ago. I haven't responded angrily at her in ~2 months.

In terms of 180s she can see - this is it. In that time, she has only moved further away. She has upped her EA to a full blown PA, she is pushing to sell the house etc. Another 90 days will see he on the other side of town, in her own house - possibly living with OM. How can I possibly be confident in 180s having any affect?

The "math" is "consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in.

The problem is she is not looking for change to believe in. She has found change in new relationship with OM.

Elsewhere was a quote I can't find right now, basically about 180s being for you. This is fair enough. Basically what I am resigned to now anyway. But it still hurts.

I imagine I am in for a long wait to see ANY changes. Basically OM has to disappear first. Even then she may indeed feel her new life is better anyway. I know I can't predict the future so it is useless trying. Nonetheless the closest scenario I can see to ever bringing my family back together is that she bottoms out following departure of OM. I do know her, and I imagine that she won't consider R with me an option that is available to her. I am not saying that it is absolutely certain either. I have always believed that we owe it to the "family" to at least try.

So - As I have posted before I still have a very good relationship with MIL. If anything she will be around in a few years time to present this option to W. She has been there for me over the last few months, but recently I dont know if I should be "going dark" with there as well OR it would actually be a potentially good thing for her to know that I am open to reconciliation, even if it is in x years time. In reality I could even be re-married and have more kids by then. It's also NOT like i am leaking stuff to the W. Her mother is too afraid to mention the marriage. She gets yelled at if she does.

So what do people think? Where do I draw the line? I have to keep it from her that I am not opposed to reconciliation, even now after OM. W would interpret it wrong way. So who else do I intentionally keep it from. So far I haven't advertised it. With mutual friends I have just avoided saying much at all really.