RAI-- I always enjoy your threads! I agree with you about worrying all the time and the purpose of anxiety. It's hard to imagine anyone leaving someone so accomplished and insightful. I'm no where near as accomplished and still struggle with the "why's," but this is all becoming clearer with each passing day. MrBond pointed out to me my insecurities and with more introspection, I see my insecurites as the root of all my marital strife. This DBing is starting to make some sense.
I'm so proud of how you've handled everything. I can definitely identify with your FB story, as my W is still beautiful, but she is detiorating at a much faster rate than I. It doesn't make me love her any less, but when I look objectively at FB pics... I'm aging very well. But, the more I look at my sitch and myself... I really have a lot of improving to do. There is a lot of low hanging fruit!
I really do hope the very best for you... and Rise Above It!
SD,
I am a relative newbie here and I also have a lot to learn, so take this for what it's worth.
If there is one underlying theme to your thread it is that, IMHO, you are still very reactive to your Ws moods and whims. When your W is warm towards you, you become optimistic and friendlier with her. When your W is cold or hard on you, you become pessimistic and more antagonistic towards her. By being reactive in this way, your actions betray you. You send a message to your W that you are still very attached to her and her moods. A sobering thought that you need to think about: Your W wants to D you. She has said it and is proceeding down that route. For your own sanity, I think you need to detach more. Easier said than done, of course, but instead of being reactive to her moods, truly detach. She is a WAW. Her moods are going to be all over the place - that is script. But you mustn't let her moods dictate your approach. Pick an approach - preferably the one suggested by MrBond - and stick to it. Again, this is my impression only - take it or leave it.
Another thing I noticed is you seem to be hiding or suppressing the pain you are feeling from all of this. There are numerous instances where you state that you are not sad or that you really are OK with things. If this is true, then more power to you. If however, deep down, you feel awful, that is understandable. It is still early in the process. You may let your guard down here. If I am off the mark, I apologize.
It is a very good that you are starting to take notice and implement the things that MrBond is telling you. For a while, it seemed like you weren't hearing him. If you have the ear of a vet, you should take advantage of it. I have seen threads where it made ALL the difference (I highly recommend OnGuard's thread for a quick read and for an example of how a vet can help).
Regarding the "why's" you mentioned in your post to me, I am not sure to what you are referring, but if you are asking yourself why this happened or why your W is doing what she is doing or even "why me?", that is counter-productive. I am sure everyone asks "why" in times of crisis. But in this case especially, aside from understanding your contribution to the breakdown of your marriage, there will be few answers to "Why?" Someone who experienced a car accident will ask "why me?" and truthfully, we don't know why. So we roll up our sleeves and get to work being the best RAI or SD we can be.
On an unrelated note, you said you wanted to change your username. I have seen some posters do this. It may temporarily confuse things, but contact an administrator if you want to. May I suggest simply "Dood"?
