yet another hopeless tale 2

[Painter]

Newpand, I read your thread and want to say how sorry I am for what you are going through. I can feel your pain when you describe it. Fortunately, time passes so quickly - and you sound like you have the ability to fill it with work and activities. I applaud all the choices you have made to unfriend her on FB and minimize contact. I think it will enable you to move on faster. You're dealing with the hurt now instead of putting it off.

I wanted to say something about W's attempts at being friendly. I wonder if she's feeling guilty about what she has done and is trying to make friends because then she can say to herself and others that "Oh, we're great friends" to make it look like she hasn't done anything wrong and everyone is fine. She will feel better and not be confronted with anyone's judgment.

In a conversation with H the other day, we ended up talking about 'what if' we don't make it. It was a calm, non-emotional convo, and we are in the middle of working with a therapist to make a go at fixing the M, but H was repeating some of the crazy talk he started since he got involved with OW.

He said warmly and reassuringly that he wanted us to be friends if we divorced. I told him I wouldn't want to be friends with him. He was genuinely shocked and miffed. "Why not?" I said simply that it would be too painful. He said "But you're friends with all your old boyfriends except X". I replied, "Yes, because he cheated on me."

Silence.

'Oh.'

I think this cheerful, superficial and in actuality, very dismissive attitude (but they don't get that) is to a large degree an attempt to deny the pain they have inflicted and the wrong they have done.