I just can't give up on my marriage. I've gave up on myself time and time again. I didn't finish college, I have numerous health problems and won't address them properly, I suffer from psych issues and don't get enough help. I never follow through on anything, I always just half ass it, or try to talk my way out of it. But I literally keep pushing her, I'll stay away for a couple of days then have an episode and text her, and it's always about us, or why? I don't think I can control myself enough to actually not try and contact her. Her grandma has cancer they just found out. And all I want to do is be there for her, but I can't at all. If I even say anything it's just taken as being pushy, and it is. I'm trying to weasel my way back in. I honestly think I have burned all my bridges. She said today, we can't be saved, I need to just move on, she's sorry, but she doesn't see a future with us. And of course I just push a little to far. I'm a control freak, and I have no control right now. I have to get a new place to live, can't find anything that will take my dogs, German shepherds, and it's really got me down. I am just hoping to find anything at this point to live in. It feels like everything is just going down the drain. I apologize for never listening to the advice on this board. It's always my way or it's just plain wrong. Obviously that's not the case. I just want to be happy in life. I know I can be, but everything just looks so bleak right now.
