Can it be another round?

[BrightFuture]

Feeling very negative and angry these days… Had a happy hour with people from work tonight. I seem to have a great time with all GAL activities. I feel different when I get home though. I don’t even know what I think or feel anymore.

For some reason I’m still here… For some reason I still hang on to something… I don’t even know what. This man who used to be my H is gone… It doesn’t look like he is coming back… I need to accept this. I just want to go 20 years back and start my life again… With somebody who is worth of having in my life. With somebody who would not play the family with me and my son, give me and my son a hope of a loving family, and then discard us when he is finished playing. I feel that I made a very bad decision marrying H and allowing him to raise my son. So, he could just discard him like a yesterday’s piece of trash. I’m mad. I want H to go to hell…