Confused 5

[Joe46]

Well I finally got to talk to a attorney yesterday! I was very relieved. No one else would return my calls or even talk to me about what was going on. This guy listened to what I was dealing with and gave me a couple options. I can either file for divorce or I can file legal separation. Or I can just sit and wait and see if she comes to her senses after being away for awhile. He said that if she moves and I do something later it is a risk because than if we file anything the judges in both states have to hash it out. If I file here than the judge here will decide what is best for the kids. He said that from his experience the judge will not think it is in the best interest for the kids to be taken out of school during the school year for weeks at a time like she was hoping. He said they also will look at how the kids have grown up here and their school is here. So more than likely would set up visitation for the summer and school breaks. So now I have a big decision to make.

So last night I sat W down and asked what her intentions were. I said that I want to know if you want to divorce or separate or what. I have not told her about me talking to lawyer and I am not going to. She said she does not know what she wants. I told her that I am not just going to sit around waiting for her to figure it out. I told her that her getting her own place in California and the way all this has been handled looks like she wants out. Of course the main reason she wants her place is so she can still work without her mom finding out what she does. She told me what she has told D12 about her plans.

So I thought it was time to have my own talk with D12. No surprise that W did not tell her everything. I also found out that D12 has been upset for a long time because she sees what has been happening. Everytime W told her about where she was going to take them, D12 started thinking that she wants me to go also. D12 was really upset last night. I did not say anything bad about W, I just tried to comfort D. I hate seeing my D cry. D is afraid mom and dad are getting a divorce.

So the only thing that I see that I can do is file for legal separation to protect myself. I was hoping that I would not be the one to start the filing process, but I don't want to take any chances with my kids. I am going to give this some thought over the next couple days, so any opinions would be appreciated.

[Vanilla]

Time to hold your cards close to your chest, very close. If your L says go then take that advice.

WW is likely to mislead about her intentions any way, either deliberately or my provarocating

D12 is trusting you Joe, with her precious feelings and that is very important indeed. Of course she will want to keep her parents together. As the most stable parent Then you can take the lead.

Keep calm and take the highest road.

Breathe

V

[Joe46]

Thank you V! Lawyer basically said it was my decision, but wanted me to know the risks of waiting to see what happens. He said it can still be done, but is harder.

I don't trust WW much at all at this point. She still tells little lies now. I have come to expect it. Kinda sad.

I am hurting for my D12. She has always been daddy's girl. My one fear is what she may think when I am the one that starts the filing process.I am praying that God will guide me through this.

[Joe46]

I am meeting with lawyer on Monday. I am doing this for my protection and my kids. Everytime I try to do something for myself W texts me about her moving. All I did was communicate that I will be at golf tonight for a couple hours and I got the text that she is leaving sooner now to go to California. Now she wants to take youngest S for awhile.

[Wonka]

Joe,

I am sorry that you are in this position now. Not fun at all.

He said that if she moves and I do something later it is a risk because than if we file anything the judges in both states have to hash it out. If I file here than the judge here will decide what is best for the kids. He said that from his experience the judge will not think it is in the best interest for the kids to be taken out of school during the school year for weeks at a time like she was hoping. He said they also will look at how the kids have grown up here and their school is here. So more than likely would set up visitation for the summer and school breaks.

This is a real solid legal advice and if I were you, I'd go ahead and file legal separation to protect the kids. That will preempt W from just upping and taking the kids out of state.

I am hurting for my D12. She has always been daddy's girl. My one fear is what she may think when I am the one that starts the filing process.

Truthfully, kids really don't care who does the actual filing. As a child of divorce, my only concern was that I had a roof over my head, access to my mother & siblings, and hang out with my friends from school.

To this day, I still do not care who did the actual filing for a D. It had/has no direct bearing on me as a person. Just paperwork.

I went through two divorces as my parents divorced when I was two and my father's marriage to my stepmother broke down when I was 11 years old. That really impacted me the most. Still didn't care one whit who did the actual filing. Just paperwork.

[Vanilla]

Joe

You are filing for the best for your littlest ones. To hold them close, to stabilise and regularise. I think of Sherman and his lovely S. D12 needs you to be strong and if this means go file then seriously consider it.

There are many wonderful single dads here on the board and you can be one of them if you want. Even while you stand.

V

[Ripken8]

Good luck joe. This can be something you take control of. Your wife is t communicating a decision with you. This could either be a wake up call or a way to protect you kids and have them stay in the same place vs go to another state.

It's one of those situations where all the scenarios suck and you have to do what's best for you and your family.

[Joe46]

Thank you wonka, V, and rip. I have already decided to file. Now I am just trying to decide if I should file legal separation or divorce. My step mother brought up something that I had not thought of. WW could have already been talking to a attorney in California and just waiting to get out there to file. Definitely not worth taking a chance. Legal separation would mean that I might be willing to work things out one day. With all the lies and secrets and things she is pulling now, I don't think I can ever trust her again. I also heard a rumor today about something she did along time ago when D was little and before S was born. Of course it is a rumor. But with everything else going on, kinda makes sense.

I am going to talk to a counselor that comes to town once a week so D can start seeing him. She is not good at talking about things.

Right now I just want WW out of my house!!!

[Vanilla]

Let us know how it goes

V

[Joe46]

I got a call back from a legal assistant for a law firm I called a few days ago. They said they had someone that could take the case. They don't do a initial consultation. She said they are all or nothing. Retainer up front of course. I guys I am meeting on Monday does do a initial consultation. His retainer is alot lower. I told the legal assistant that I would like to meet the person I am hiring first. I want to know I am comfortable with the person and I am confident they will be good for my case. So I will have to think on that also Monday after my meeting. I am hoping he can just help me.

Legal assistant did say that I have 2 things in my favor right away. The kids would have to live in California for at least 6 months for her to be able to file anything there. And it looks bad on her just wanting to get up and move and have the kids miss school.

D12 was sick today. WW did not call the school so they were wondering where she was. Can't rely on her for anything.