Trying to Follow DB & DR (4)

[Wonka]

Continued from previous post.....

My parents are still married, Dad's still in the picture. Dad's the strong, silent, disciplinarian. He keeps his head down and worked a job he hated to keep the family fed. His dad all but disowned him for marrying a hispanic woman. I never really got to know that half of my family.

Mom's hispanic, Dad's mixed European. Each one has boasted of their heritage's infamous temper and ability to hold grudges (for generations if need be). Both had wicked tempers when I was growing up. When one wasn't listened to they yelled, if you still didn't listen the yelling got louder, after that the belt or paddle came out.

Mom regularly told us that they loved us, and they got us involved in lots of activities that we were interested in and they got involved as well.

Other emotions were hardly dealt with. One thing my mom has said repeatedly is that she never heard her father say he was sorry and that she was at least willing to admit she was wrong to her kids. 30 years and I would be hard pressed to use two hands to count the number of times she's done so.

Did your parents ever show affection, emotion, intimacy around you and your siblings?

How do you express your emotions to your family?

What attracted W to you in the first place?

As for the W, her family is very detached. Her parents seem to barely tolerate each other. Her dad wasn't very supportive, didn't go to her graduations, or encourage her to achieve anything. But allowed her to do what she wanted. Mom and dad never really seem to show her affection. She has mentioned that she never really got a lot of hugs or anything as a kid.

She has 2 half sisters, 1 step sister and had 1 half brother. He was killed when she was young. She the youngest of all of them. The next youngest is something like 12-13 years older than her. Her siblings have described the W has the unhappy miserable child, that the first time they had ever really seen her smile is when we started dating. She feels really only close to her youngest sister.

It appears that her family is not demonstrative toward each other. Throughout your M, was W demonstrative to you? Did she initiate hugs, kisses, hand holding?

How about you toward W?

I sense that W is hinting at her own need for emotional intimacy that is lacking in the M. Thoughts?

I'm not sure. Here I think she's echoing herself mentioning that she felt more like a mother than a wife to me. That she felt more like a caretaker than an equal partner in a marriage. I feel like it's emotional intimacy plus something else but I don't know how to put that in words.

Care to elaborate what you perceive here? Does W nag you, give you constant reminders, do ALL of household chores, interact with the school personnel...etc?

What does emotional intimacy look like to YOU? What did it look like in the early stages of the M compared to now?

Have you seen Big Bang Theory?
Familiar with Dr. Sheldon Cooper, theoretical physicist?
I'm Dr. Miman2 theoretical chemist, also in academia where it's literally a publish or perish mentality.
The theory being developed has to be correct to be used by others and you need evidence to proved that it is correct.
Without that evidence then you have no proof the theory you're working on is correct.
A lack of or weak evidence makes your theory questionable at best and a joke/career killer at worst.

I love Sheldon Cooper...on TV. In real life, Sheldon has no place in your M. Do you see how exhausting it is to W when you argued your POV allllll the time to the point of being "proven" correct??!!! For what??!! A blue ribbon??!! If you have done this or continue to do this with W, then do a 180 and stop acting like Sheldon in your own M and around the house. No "Bazinga" either....

She doesn't want a Mr. Smarty Pants in the house, but a EQUAL partner in the house and M. Do you see this now?