Thanks for your reply, how lovely to hear from you! No, I guess that loving him from afar wont do me any good and the only thing I can hope for is him realising that he misses me. Seems that the odds of that are very slim.. :'(
Detaching will be very hard, just hurts me so bad that he doesn't even check in to see how I'm doing, but I can only take that as a sign he really doesn't care..
I will check up the DB coach.. Thanks for the tip!
How are you getting on? Surgery coming up?
Big hug!! <3
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Ok, just wrote the longest venting post that I happened to delete, so lucky you guys!
Anyway, it was just about the fact that it hurts like hell that he doesn't contact me now when he knows I'm having a hard time. Feels like he never loved me at all and couldn't care less. Like it doesn't matter what I'll do, he's lost to me forever.
I know I can't contact him now but have to wait for him, but it feels like it's never going to happen.
Does anyone here have a happy tread to share? Feel like I need some hope..
Hugs!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Whoa there girl! First thing, you love him. Right now, how is he repaying that love? Walking out on you. What a guy. Reading your thread, you seem like a good woman, with real soul, so why should he destroy that in you? As I said earlier, he can't have the good stuff, and leave when he thinks he needs something else.
This detaching/180/LRT thing is hard, but the thing I have learned really quickly in the week I have been here is that you have to maintain a sense of self. If my wife walked in on me naked now, would I want her - you bet, would she deserve my love - no way.
As we LBS's, we have done nothing wrong. It hurts. That will stop and be replaced by anger (with hurt rubbed in) but if our W/H want us back, it is now going to take a little more than naked attraction. Hope that doesn't seem harsh, just a rule of how I'm feeling right now.
That fog thing I was on about is in the WW/MLC section.
Right. Tulo, you are a strong person. Everybody who calls in is right behind you. We're all scared/hurt. We're going to get through this. If our W/H's come back, great - if not IT'S THEIR LOSS.
Keep strong and look after yourself!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Well, at the moment he's not repaying worth s**t to be honest.. And it hurts, as it does for us all. I think I need to work on my "not expecting" part, to feel better and not be disappointed. I'm trying to think that I've been through worse and survived so I'll probably do that this time around as well. Even if it doesn't feel like it now..
I totally agree with you, we will get through this even if it takes awhile and if they don't come back it's their bloody loss!
Huddy, thank you so much for writing to me.. Big hug!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Just about to call to the vet and make arrangements for my boy, and since I know this is something I have to get through, I'm pretty much on autopilot at this point.
I do however feel a bit angry at the fact that he hasn't reached out, and maybe that's a good thing. I can understand his need of making a point of us being over, but normal empathy for someone you claimed to have loved shouldn't be so hard.
So appreciate you stopping by, Huddy. Hope you have a good day now. Sun is shining in Sweden and I hope in Scotland too!
Hug!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
I am just going to add my opinion to those of everybody else. First, I know the pain is immense. The sense of betrayal and lack of empathy from your spouse is indescribable. It feels like your whole world is crumbling and you are on an island with your emotions. You constantly second guess yourself and have tons of "what-ifs" that are in your head.
However, the ONLY thing you can do at this time is work on yourself. Your spouse does not care that you are hurting, and they are deep in their own emotions. It may not be their intent to hurt you, but their focus is strictly on themselves at this point in time. The absolute worst thing you can do is play the sympathy card. Trust me, I know. I did this frequently at first.
You need to protect yourself and your emotions. Allow the hurt and anger to wash over you, but don't let it consume you. Not an easy thing to do, but keep trying. I'm not telling you to give up on your marriage, but concentrate on what you have control over...you.
We may never get our spouses back, but we can become better people in the process. None of this is easy, but it is necessary.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
We may never get our spouses back, but we can become better people in the process. None of this is easy, but it is necessary.
YES! ^^^
Sorry you are so hurt right now, it does get easier. Allow yourself time to grieve, but in private. Work on being the best you you can be. His words may have sounded final to you but you never know what the future holds.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Anyway, it was just about the fact that it hurts like hell that he doesn't contact me now when he knows I'm having a hard time. Feels like he never loved me at all and couldn't care less. Like it doesn't matter what I'll do, he's lost to me forever.
So get good and mad about it. Stop acting pathetic. My goodness, have you forgotten that you don't catch a man by running after him, tackling, wrapping yourself around his legs......while he's dragging you across the floor, trying to make his escape. (Emotionally, that's what you have been doing.)
This man never M you, right? You said he pursued you for six months? Then the chase ended, and now you've lost his attention and affection. Maybe for him, it's all about the chase. If it is, then he is probably chasing another woman, or considering it. He likes the thrill of a new romance. The chase is challenging, and it is a male characteristic to pursue. Take that away, and he gets bored and unhappy. Doesn't have those initial feelings for her.
For some people, you just can't smother them in a relationship. Calling a million times a day is a bit extreme, wouldn't you say? Leaves little time for anything else.
I know you are hurting, and I'm truly sorry for your pain. I think you need to be prepared for what don't want to hear from him in "the talk". I believe he has tried to let you go gently, and you just aren't getting the message. He has moved on. I think this is what his talk will be about.
This is not your H. Why would you run after a man who isn't interested? Take it as a warning, and be thankful you aren't M to him. He would do this to you again.
Keep your dignity, stay poised, and have the spunk to hold your head high and leave him standing in the whirlwind you make as you turn and leave. You deserve better.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
And it hurts, as it does for us all. I think I need to work on my "not expecting" part, to feel better and not be disappointed. I'm trying to think that I've been through worse and survived so I'll probably do that this time around as well. Even if it doesn't feel like it now..