"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Glad you all liked it .. I hear there is a similar scam for the ladies outside Bed Bath and Beyond.
Yesterday I found myself hung up on the internal crud .... reading a bit here, thinking about it ... call it a funk day, accepting we all have em .. who knows .. whatever it was I was not PMA but I did manage to hide it (mostly) that morning from W. Day went on I decided to 180, was like it just hit me. During all this I have been following the "do not initiate" code to a T ... so I TM W .. "How is your day going?" Something that she has been TM me frequently since this 'reconnection' business started. She replied pretty quickly (She has told me its hard to TM throughout the day as she is often in meetings) and shared a bit, was PMA and fun (I often think she read the book ... lol) So I played back a bit and went about my day at work. Finally shook it off after a bit.
Grabbed S and went to the game, W calls as I was rushing to grab S, was all business like ... reminded me of how she would talk to me during her A, about an hour later she called as we were arriving at the ball park to remind me I needed to bring snacks for the team (My memory is usually very bad with these things) I laughed and told her it was a little late we were at the field .. I thanked her but I already had the cooler and was all set. She told me she would see me in about an hour ... again this is new, the past year if S had a game during the week she would have an excuse to miss it.
So Game on ... I coach .. always have, and honestly I am pretty freaking good with the kids. All have their little motivators but mostly its about having fun. So I was having fun with the boys and was in a heated debate about the need to beat other peoples kids ...lol .. then I happened to look up in the stands and W was there just looking at me smiling and talking to other parents ... nice to see as the past year or so she would be on her phone off in her own space in her own bubble. I kept catching her looking at me ... I was having a nice night with the boys. Game ended and W was confused as its her night with S, she said she had no food .... I told her its good, I'll take him (Late games/practices stress her out as she tries to get him fed and cleaned up) I picked up a burger on the way home, had him shower as soon as we got in .. spent some time watching TV .. off to bed.
This morning dropped off S, W had me come in and for the first time in YEARS ... she asked about my work and was genuinely interested, I made sure to be brief, asked about her work ... we talked .. actually talked like friends .. like we used to, joked a bit here and there, it was really nice. She is Chatty Kathy today via TM, all light hearted, some about S and summer camp schedule ... asked when the marriage weekend was .. though we have not registered it looks like we are really leaning towards going that route and I am actually feeling much more comfortable with it, it just feels right and I think by next month it will be a good time to start.
Last night grabbed kiddo and went to practice, I let W know I had to leave early (this means on time to us prompt peeps) W said she would be there by 6, at 5:35 she calls that she is just leaving .... typically with traffic this is a hour drive. I was a little grrrr but honestly I have just come to expect this and it really did'nt bother me, I wanted to be at my RCIA meeting at 6:30, figured if I left by 6:15 I would be on time ... 6:30 puts me 15 min late .. not a big deal. <~~~~~ HUGE 180 from old Cali you all have no idea.
So W gives me updates of ETA via TM, telling me all the reasons she was late, begging for me not to be mad .. I could see her fear escalate as I was not replying .. not on purpose but I could only read the TM and not reply in fear of being blasted by the 8 yr olds during practice... I TM her "I'm not upset ... don't worry :D" So W arrives about 6:20 ... I give S a hug and head out ... W comes over to say goodbye phone in hand I tell her a little funny about S and the boys, she laughs and says she was TM a gf about work, I catch the screen and all I seen was the contact was G----- ... OM's name starts with the same letter, surprisingly I was pretty calm but W must have thought I seen OM's name so she raised the phone and showed me, I did not ask and I really do not think I had reacted badly. It was not him, was evidently the girls last name ... just the fact W showed me sent me more of a message.
I have not asked for full transparency ... honestly because I just feel that is only going to make things worse... I recall reading RobX's take on this .. even when I was in the middle of the storm and it impacted me back then ... something towards the effect "If I have to spend my energy to ensure you are being honest ... its not a R/M I want" ... I full heartedly agree. Truth is ... if she were TM'ing OM sure I would be hurt, feel betrayed (again) but she knows where I stand, that boundary was put into place the weekend she wanted to commit to the M. Contact with OM and keeping it a secret .. final straw and I am out. When I told her that I released myself from wanting to snoop and dig to see if there was contact of any kind and honestly it was very freeing, like I told her I will never walk my life looking over my shoulder.
Anyways I found that her showing me like that ... odd, even for her, a nice odd mind you ... still odd.
Yeah, Cali. Releasing yourself from the idea of having to keep her under control is a great first step to rebuilding trust. Or to keeping yourself from trusting again. Be careful with that one.
Seems you're making some good strides. Happy to see that, amigo. Seems you might have also had a few things that still need to be tested, such as the control items of being a precision type person. I'm curious about the perception of the new Cali 2.0 and the improved, relaxed, chill dude he is now. I guess I won't get to ask but it has me curious. 'Cause I'm curious like that..
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Yeah I can see your point on keeping myself from trusting. Honestly her actions the past month plus have really helped there, that and I just know in my heart that if she is hiding things with OM, if there is some sort of "oh we are jsut friends' I will end it no questions as I had put that boundary there when this whole 'reconnection' or what ever you want to call it started ... I said no more secrets and that was with OM, or any possible future OM2,3,4,you get the picture. Today .. TM a bit, telling me about her new boss and what he is doing, Mr Fixit is boxed up, I just STFU and listened, she is a Taurus and TM something about "The bull is out" with a wink , I TM back a pic of a real bull goring some poor dude. Things have been light and more 'fun' as of late ... still keeping things in check... this type of exchanges have not happened in years, she tells me about her day, asks about mine and seems actually interested. Again .. slow and steady here but I have not seen any red flags in a bit.
Are you referring to her perceptions? now I am curious about your curiosity.
Hey Luke. Now I'm confused about the curiousity...LOL!
You still have your walls up..I get it..you have been burned several times. You want to see consistent actions over time that show she is being honest, I think.
Be careful there in that you dont want to keep a scorecard, yea? Because then you run the risk of keeping a scorecard and a how much is enough kind of thing.
For now I would like to see you be open to the fact that she is trying to be truthful.
I wanted to talk to you about the kiss. I know it hurt your feelings a great deal.
The spouse is the last person they reconnect with and physical intimacy comes further down the road from that.
It doesnt have to do with him and has everything to do with her.
