The end

[gogofo]

So how do I get passed the obsession I have with wanting to destroy Ow's reputation?

I never felt like destroying the OM's reputation, but I did at times feel like finding him and destroying him physically.

A couple things stopped me. I have kids and I would do nothing that would jeopardize my chance at being their father. I also know that the OM did not sexually assault my W, she was a willing participant. When trying to piece my M back together I came to the fact that if I wanted to smash his face, I should feel the same about my W. I did not want to hit my W, so I had to deal with the fact that since she was just as guilty I shouldn't want to hit the OM.

Finally, I think they will get what the deserve. I am not a spiritual person, but I do not want to give my XW and the OM any control over my life. They didn't respect or care about me when they were having their EA/PA so why should I give their actions control of my emotions.

It took me a long time to come to these feelings, but with time and acting like the person you want to be you can get past these feelings.

[Fogg]

I never felt like destroying the OM's reputation, but I did at times feel like finding him and destroying him physically.

Made me laugh a little, I think many of us had this thought at one time or another. I still do at times.

So how do I get passed the obsession I have with wanting to destroy Ow's reputation?

I agree with gogofo. I think they will get what they deserve in the long run one way or another. Our involvement to assault or embarrass OP only causes issues for us, and at the end of the day its not worth it.

[mustardseed]

I know you guys are right. Take the high road. I have an event to go to tonight that she will be at, H--as usual--has something else to do, and I am so tempted to start talking to people about her antics. But I won't. Take the high road and have faith that she will get what is coming to her.

I can't wait for this school year to be over for SO MANY REASONS. I just want to move on.

Still no news from my lawyer about being served. Maybe I should just go ahead and file on my own.

[Vanilla]

Msd, you know there isn't much you can do that the universe won't do to OW and WH. The chances of the R surviving are next to zero, if they will do it with you, then they will do it to you.

Horrid scuzzies. In any case it is possible every one knows any way, and it's quite strange how the respect is for the W who stands proudly. Happiness will be yours in the long run together with a peaceful conscience.

My lovely beautiful, kind one, in the long run the laughter is yours.

V

[mustardseed]

Just got the call from my lawyer. He actually wasn't lying this time. Not sure how I'm feeling.

[Vanilla]

Msd

Please tell me how you feel and what that means. I am here thinking positively and offering all the support I can.

V

[mustardseed]

The call from the lawyer was to tell me she received the papers. I am being served. I go in next week to sign and to start discuss the next steps in this nightmare. I didn't tell him I heard from her. But we got into a fight anyway. He made some comments about my work situation that makes me wonder where he is getting his info. I feel like I am going crazy. He told me he told his mother some things I said while we were fighting that he naturally twisted to sound like an attack on her.

Things ended calmly, but I don't trust him. Things feel better but it's probably all an act. Last night I mentioned that I was thinking about dinner and his response was that he'd take care of it. This is always a pattern. I think out loud about dinner he says he'll take care of it. Or I make dinner and he orders in and then no one wants to eat what I made. After he left I realized I should document the conversation so he can't twist it so I texted him so the verbal conversation was noted. His reponse was that I should order pizza. Which I did. I realize now that I need to make note of everything said so that when it gets twisted I won't be confused.

[Vanilla]

Msd

Record it, reply and evaluate for yourself.

You do not have to trust H if you do not want to do so. That is your choice.

You do need an L you can trust though and can listen to.

No doubt either H or the scuzzy has an inside track. Don,t waste your energy, you need that for you.

Msd, I am sending you great big hugs across the miles, come for supper at the Big House and feel healed.

V

[Bob723]

Hello mustardseed,

I am so sorry to hear that this is happening...so painful. Our dear "V" has given you some great advice. Please do find a L for yourself.

I don't have much to add now. I am about to head out for some GAL. Please know that I haven't forgotten about you and I'm pulling for you.

Here's a prayer I came across today you may find some comfort in:

"Dear God, what happened to my marriage? Place Your healing touch on my gaping wounds. Save me, Lord. Amen."

Stand tall!

Bob

[mustardseed]

Thank you for the prayer. I am in desperate need of detachment. The only way to do that is to pretend she doesn't exist, but apparently the day I helped out my sister and he told me he would take care of S, he got home late--so his solution to feeding him was having OW do it. He is finding any excuse to bring her up to me. And anytime I have to see her I end up finding it difficult to stay dark. He went out tonight. Told the kids he'd be home late but that he would be home. It is now after 3 am and he is still not home.

One thing he says when we fight is that now we have passed the point of no return. Too many things were said that can't be taken back. Does that mean that before I lost my mind over the suspicious relationship with Ow that he thought we still stood a chance? I have a lot of mutual FB friends with both H and OW and I found out today that she blocked me so now it looks like she isn't one of his friends anymore, but she is still there. I don't think I ever hated anyone this much before. I guess that means that he is accomplishing what he wants to accomplish.

I need to speak to my lawyer but I can't get in there until Thursday. It would have been so much easier if I just left last summer. Why did I allow this to go on so long? Why did I have so much faith in him? Why did I expect him to still be the decent man I thought I married? I really thought this was a MLC, but now I am not so sure. I feel like the last 15 years of my life has been a lie. One thing I have is my kids. They are what is keeping me going. But I have this fear that I am going to lose time with them. I want to live where they live. I want my home to be their home. I don't want him cut out of their lives, but I also don't want to not be with them for their every day lives.

I am jealous of women who have their husbands leave, and their focus is to keep the stability and be the rock. I am trying my best to do that, except I know the reality is that I am the one that is going to have to go. And if they come with me, it will require they change schools or have a long commute. Best interest of the kids gets really complicated. Meanwhile, he can't even spend an entire weekend with them without disappearing for a night, or dumping them on someone else if I'm not around. His plans never include them. But will a judge look at that, or will he just look at stability of keeping their school and home consistent?

And I know he is building a case for custody. The fact that he twisted having to feed S dinner two nights last week (one night apparently he had to ask OW to do it for him) into me neglecting him.

Why is it fair that one person can end a marriage and change the lives of his entire family just by deciding he doesn't feel like working at it? I have no problem with him leaving if this life we built isn't what he wants, but that isn't what he is doing, what he is doing is breaking this life apart--not just for me, but for the kids too--all so that he can live the life of a bachelor and not have to provide financial support.