Where to begin?

[Dawgs]

As of now, I don't know where things stand. I have prepared myself for her going on with the divorce, but still hold the door open for reconciliation, which I want really, really bad.

There are days when things seem to get better, and there are days when they don't. So, will give everyone a little rundown on where we are now.

We have talked very little about the future and are trying to take things day by day. Some days are really, really good...and some others. We have gone on three dates, with the fourth being this weekend coming up. Nothing fancy or romantic yet, and this weekend will be just a night of dinner, movie, and a walk on the beach -just trying to reconnect the oh-so-important friendship first - and that seems to be going very well (at times).

So far there has been no talk of lawyers or filing or any of that - in fact, she has said that she hasn't contacted a lawyer (although the paranoid me thinks that she will do it after our upcoming Disney trip) in any form.

She went to her family's place in south FL over the weekend and we were in communication for a good bit of the time (her initiating 90% of the time). That Friday, as she was walking out the door, I decided to be a little bold and test the water by giving her a quick kiss on the lips - at first she was kind of surprised, but actually smiled. That night, when she wsa turning in to bed, she called (as she did every night) and she ended the convo by saying "I love you," to which I said it back. Conversation was good and quite frequent - either talk or text. Fast forward to her return, the kids and I were outside while she was putting the vehicle up, I leaned in the window and did it again - and another smile. After the kids are asleep, I am on the floor and she comes and sits very close - up against me, which she hasn't done since mentioning divorce 2 months ago...and I give the usual backrub.

Somehow we got on the topic of us and I may have broken a rule or two and she kinda reverted back. A big mis-step by me and a paranoid, insecure respone led to her getting really angry this past Tuesday - to which we had a discussion and she told me "I was this close to just giving up." I had a good discussion with my personal counselor about that, and my wife was all about hearing that yesterday. Although, last night she was up against me again and laid by me on the floor to where she fell asleep.

So far, she tells me she is on the fence regarding us and that we are going day by day - to which I agree. I take this as a time to win her, like when we were dating. The troubling part is Jacksonville coming up. We have discussed that minimally, and I am not sure of her intentions. If she goes alone as originally planned, I see that as the death nell for us. I told her this - if she wants to save us and our family, then it is imperative that we all go down there. Because I just do not see how we can grow closer being apart like that. The kids won't be affected by moving again, and the job market is better than here. I made a pro/con list (which she always does) for her weighing all options. So far, we have not discussed it, but I know she has read it. We will see.

Tha's pretty much were we are now - day to day.