I recall a sermon back when I was in the dark forest of all this... there was a saying "Hurt people Hurt people" it put things into perspective with my behavior and that of my W.
As far as the control issues ... I am a recovering "Mr Fix-it" and looking at it now, I can not believe how narrow my vision was ... control has the same effect, you are so focused on fixing and controlling a situation you can not see the big picture, what happens when we focus on one item? It gets bigger ... you will focus on the little spot on your windshield so hard that you never see the crack in it.
LL is good, you see how your anger actually emptied that bucket, thats HUGE that you have that intel and can now begin to remedy that right?
As far as the party..... ugh ... this is just my opinion and what I read into it. I doubt he is looking for your guidance and at this point would be best for you to not give any (I would think your history he is awaiting a blow up so he can justify his wanting out of the M ... you need to consistently 180 in this dept IMHO). You H KNOWS you would prefer to have him cab it home ... you FEAR the worst ... he sleeps there, is up all night with OW doing heaven knows what ... look at it like he is a child over at someone else's house, the child knows right from wrong, its up to them to behave accordingly .. you can not CONTROL this, they will do as they will do ... you throwing a fit about it will only force him to run faster. By you 'allowing' him to decide shows you are changing and its something out of your hands regardless right?
