I need to read more post divorce success stories. If anyone has any to share, I would love to see them.
L emailed me yesterday that the D was final. Exchanged a few texts and a short call with W. She keeps telling me she is sorry. That makes me angry. I don't know what to say to her. I just said "Thank you for being sorry. I'm sorry I didn't do anything when we started drifting apart last year. I hate how this went down, but what's done is done."
I'm still angry at her. I'm angry because I haven't spent anytime with my kids since Sunday and that stinks. I'm angry because the last time I saw them she ran out of the house and made a scene. I'm angry because I didn't want this. I'm angry because I waited too long to stop this.
I realized Sunday night that I have been in a major backslide for a few weeks. The backslide was so bad I almost completely stopped reading the boards. The backslide started when she came back home from staying with the OM. She had a "breakdown" and said she was putting things on hold with OM and focusing on her family. My DB coach told me to continue with the 180s. My 180 was to listen to her, validate, and share. However, I slowly starting trying to control her, to win her back, to see the mistake she was making. I didn't realize the pressure I was putting on her until I removed myself from the house. It's amazing how removing yourself from a situation can make you see it so much clearer. I should have left a long time ago but was afraid. During this time, OM was giving her space and that drew her towards him. The fog of the A was still there and the time required to rebuild was just too much. I know my recent backslide didn't help. Due to his giving her space, she became more drawn to him. Last weekend she told me that she doesn't want to spend anytime with me at all. So I left the house.
We only talk about bills and the kids. She made it clear that I must pick them up Friday after work because she is going to see OM.. I guess it's BF now. For some reason that didn't set me off like I thought it would. It still hurt, but not as bad as I thought it would. I actually appreciated her telling me the truth rather than making up a lie.
I want to see my kids. I miss them. I miss playing with them when I get home, getting them to bed.. everything we used to do. To hear my D5 ask me why I haven't been home "for so long" hurts. Then to hear W say "I'm sorry" after D5 gives her the phone back...geez.
Success stories are needed! I hate to sound so down, but I can't fake a PMA on right now. I'm reeling from this all being official for some reason. Getting this off my chest will help. Right?
Last edited by Closer2; 05/14/1504:36 PM.
M:42 W:43 T:14 M:10 S:9 D:5 W filed 12/22/14 EA 12/31/14 PA 4/10/15 D final 5/13/15
