mlc rut

[pbetra]

Just need to put this on 'e-paper' ...

h is mad this AM, real mad but it's the 'quiet type of mad'. if looks cud kill, I wud b dead right now.

We have been civil whenever we cross paths in home. I got the usual greeting, but it was short. Recently he has been nice, we have very short conversations - shallow but light hearted comments and then I leave to give him his space.

This morning the coldness & 'killer' looks followed the greeting . I did not make conversation after that (In the past, I would have tried to smooth things out. Its been a while -> I no longer 'reward' this behaviour w/attention)

I can only sumise that it is 1 of 2 or 3 or all things:
1 - he's NOT getting through re: another place & time is passing by quickly (also here is damn good! he will lose a lot - it's nice, warm .. pets, plants, good culinary smells from kitchen, the kid when he wants him, me when curious, music). The sit down areas are nice too. Nothing is new or designer but plp who come here do like it. h has also been bringing buddy to hang out around the various nooks & crannies that I managed to make warm, cosy, & just plain 'feel good.' They drink and talk 4 hours.

2 - I have not taken him up re (at risk) request/ proposal
I know he is desperate but I can go out of my way or try with someone who is not yet ready to end this sham.

3 - he tried very much re intimacy. The timing was off for me after the cruel conversation - it was all timing. That I KNOW for sure would affect him. I wish i cud b a good fake but am not & fake is just that. IT TIME TO GET REAL

Whatever it is, the reaction is a temper tantrum re not getting his way. I realize he thinks I 'owe' him big time. His perception was much greater than reality. I never took much b/c I know my mil would 'throw it all in my face' one day if she cud. Good thing I did b/c it isn't her I ended up having to prove this with but him. He has no case - I was always 'low maintenance b/c I was practical. He was the spender.

I am 'hiding' right now as I write - soemthing I did thoroughout the past year when I was dim/dark. This is what we do when we live with the mlc-er - aviod seeing them, interacting w/.

I am not affected the same way though. I have calmed down a bit generally speaking However, at one point today, it affected me as I was not 'expecting' this hostility so early in the quiet of the morning as I worked on my assignment. I guess it was a sort of 'corosive intrusion' come out of no where on my quiet karma.

I went outside to do some stretches. I have a mtg with my client this AM & will break from the home in a few hours. When I get back, I hope to get space from him until he calms down. I hope things work out for him as we both need to sort our selves out b 4 any serious progress can b made.

Going to organize my things for later this AM.
Keep good 'all,' p.