He arrived from his trip wanting to pretend that everything was ok. He seems much happier than he has for the past 3 years. He has been making an effort with small things and actually taking some initiative with getting the house ready to be sold.
Last week H finally went out with friends for a drink - first time in 3 years he has done this while being at home. A nice change to him sitting home watching tv or going to play tennis. I am seeing him start to move a bit emotionally. Which gave me a bit of hope. However, when speaking with him about where our relationship stands - he is still uncertain what he wants. He said he doesn't know if he can be happy in a relationship with me - I suggest happiness comes from within.
He has now left again for 3 weeks to more interviews in the US, but is planning on coming back. He made a mess of it with the girls before he left. He insisted to me that he had told the children he was leaving; however upon asking them -- they knew nothing about it. He did however tell our son. Oldest is very disappointed that he isn't telling her what is going on. The kids and I all want to know where we stand with him.
He said he wants to take the time while away and make decisions about his future and our relationship. I am not sure what he has been doing for the past 6 mos.... but hopefully he will come to an answer with some peace.
I have enjoyed spending time with emotionally some healthy people who have emotionally healthy relationships. I am left pondering big questions about my own life and future:
- is this really a midlife crisis or has he ever been able to meet my needs emotionally?
- why did I choose a man who was so emotionally unavailable? (what am I avoiding in my own life)?
- am I willing to wait for a man who may never meet my emotional needs?
After lots of reading, I am convinced that H is either passive-aggressive, covert narcissist or has been wired to avoid emotional situations. He doesn't emotionally connect with anyone. I think I have been waiting 20 years for him to be more emotionally available to me. Over the years I have made lots of excuses for his lack of ability to emotionally connect and life has brought us lots of distractions. Before his MLC 3 yrs ago, I would get some of his time/attention but not his emotions. When MLC hit - he quit giving me his time/attention -- so no longer got anything from him.
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
