I have read by many here the only chance I have is thorugh "tough love", going dark, GAL, moving on, not enabling her, let the consequences fall on her, not doing stuff for her, not answering inconsequential texts or calls (unless about kids) etc..."
It feels like punishment from me - you know, "the angry controlling one" - "see you can't make it without me" and I don't want that perception at all. Won't she think that I am being even more controlling and calling all the shots?
That's because you are not detached ... you do the above when you are detached and focused on living YOUR life .. she is living hers, this allows you to still honor your M but live your life "as if" she were not a part of it .. .which she isn't by HER choice. Its not punishment as you are not (should not) be using these tools as punishment, you are using them to grow and find yourself.
