Kramer's Journey

[Kramer]

How pathetic I am. I'm at Costco buying groceries, and I keep seeing so many things that I would ordinarily buy my wife for Mothers Day. I actually put a few items in my cart out of habit, but reluctantly put them back, based on advice from this board. I always loved giving gifts, and it is so hard now that my wife has left me.

I can't believe I'm even thinking about her, considering the fact that she's with OM and his young children celebrating Mothers Day with them. What about her children, you ask? They're coming over to my house for dinner. Weird, pathetic, and sad.

[Bob723]

How pathetic I am. I'm at Costco buying groceries, and I keep seeing so many things that I would ordinarily buy my wife for Mothers Day. I actually put a few items in my cart out of habit, but reluctantly put them back, based on advice from this board. I always loved giving gifts, and it is so hard now that my wife has left me.

Hello Kramer,

Please do not think that way about yourself! You are human and did not ask for any of this. Many of us on this forum have felt the same way about buying our Wayward or Walk-Away Spouse a gift for a special occassion.

You are a giving person and that is how giving people think. You are a GREAT guy.

Please hang in there, my friend, and try to take things one day at a time.

Bob

[HeavyD]

You are not pathetic but a wounded soul. Keep your chin up Kramer, you are such an amazing and living person.

heavy

[Georgiabelle]

Kramer,

Heavy and Bob are correct. You aren't pathetic-you are generous and it's difficult to realize what once may have been appreciated, now is not. I haven't read your sitch so I won't delve much further.

Heck, I still pass t-shirts and think "x Mr. GB would love this short!" Then I realize I'm not getting him that. But I do know that one day ( I love giving gifts and surprises!) I will do that again.

Hang in there. Lots of good stuff at Costco:-)

[Kramer]

Thanks for the support regarding Mothers Day. I ended up not getting her anything. Not even a card. I also did not call or text her. That was hard.

What I did do was bring Flores, chocolate strawberries, and a card to her mother. She has been good to me for the last 17 years, and is the only mother figure I have since mine is dead. She was appreciative and we had a nice chat. Didn't talk about her daughter/my wife at all.

I then cooked dinner for her kids since she was enjoying Mothers Day with OM and his 3 small children. We had a nice time. I will say that it is pretty weird how everybody has just accepted this situation as the new norm.

I am feeling sadder and more melancholy today, so a definite backslide from last week when I was more angry than anything else. They say recovery and grief do not follow a linear path, and I agree with that.

What I am wrestling with now is an overwhelming urge to reach out to my wife. I have done well maintaining silence lately, but now am getting persistent thoughts that perhaps she is digging in her heels because I didn't fight hard enough to get her back. I sent so many emails about my feelings, and am reasonably sure that she knows how I feel. I know that I need to portray strength and confidence, but I just have these doubts lately. It does upset me that we have never had an actual conversation about things. She is likely to angry or embarrassed to have a comprehensive conversation, and she only communicates via text or email. Weird, but I don't know how to change that. How sad that our 17 year old marriage is ending via text, without even an honest attempt at fixing things.

[HeavyD]

I am sorry Kramer.

It aints over until it's over though. Keep that thought in mind.

Chin up my friend

[PigPen]

Sorry to read all of that Kramer, I think what you did for your mother in law is very kind and shows your true heart - kindness even in the face of overwhelming pain.

That's pretty damn admirable in my book and something to remind you that no matter how awful life can be, you're a rock at your core. I would imagine that whether you know it or not, the kids feel the same way and are thankful for you.

[HeavyD]

Yes, I second that, I think the card you sent to your MIL shows your true character and what a good person you are.

You are a GOOD MAN Kramer. Don't forget that.

[Kramer]

Just had a nice dinner with one of the stepchildren. He and I had a lengthy conversation about things. He was concerned about me and is still upset with his mom. I really enjoyed talking with him, although some of the information I received has caused me to reconsider my thoughts of reconciliation.

Apparently she has had OM and his children over for dinner, and they are all over each other. He brought video games for the kids and my wife and him had drinks and deep conversations. She is dressing differently and acting differently in order to impress him. Apparently she is highly upset and angry whenever my name is mentioned. That was painful to hear, although not entirely surprising.

So it looks like she is still deep into this relationship. I had hoped that I was seeing a thaw, but apparently not. All I can do is continue to detach and work on me, and wait for divorce to become final.

[Kramer]

I recently contacted my wife's ex-best friend to get her perspective on things. She has known my wife for 35 years. They had a fallout 5 years ago and haven't spoken since then. She was a serial cheater who frequently used my wife as an alibi, and my wife got tired of it and ended the friendship.

Ironically, my wife is now committing the same behaviors and actions that she was so angry about. Double irony: her friend has been in counseling and has since reconciled with her husband, and their new relationship is stronger than ever.

My wife was extremely angry that I contacted her friend, and demanded to know why. In her mind, she probably thinks that I am comparing them and badmouthing her. The reality is that I was asking about the process of reconciliation after such betrayal. Of course, I can't share that with my wife.

Weird all around...