How should I answer

[mahhhty]

mobile. I have read up on your situation and have responded to one of your posts over the weekend. I re-ordered your paragraphs to respond better.

I'm not pestering, or smothering, sober, I'm going out living a happy life, making her want to be with me. She has filed, But I still haven't been served. I still believe she will serve me because I think she will test me to the limits. She might even finish it with the big D, if so there is nothing I can do but go on to the next chapter of my life. I love my W but I'm not going to make myself miserable trying to please her. I did that the first couple months trying to fix us. Sure I still have bad days where I can't get her out of my head, but I don't show her that.

It sounds as if you have the no pursuing piece down. Keep doing that. Also protect yourself and the kids from the legal and financial actions she may take against you. You need to step up and get in front if it, if it will occur.

I think my wife is totally confused on what she wants, she wants a divorce, than she misses me and loves me. I've fixed all my problems and I being someone that nobody would want to leave. w might leave me, but I'm not going to make it easy and give her any new reasons to leave. I believe I've done everything I can to fix this, now it just going to take time to prove to her I'm the man she wants to be with.

Of course she is confused. Do you think she came to this decision lightly? Probably not. However, I caution you... in being on the boards less than a month, you proclaim that you have "fixed all my problems." That sounds ignorant to me. Learning and growth is a lifestyle change. You speak as if you have found the answers and implemented them across the board. All this while still living with your W. That most likely is a fallacy you are telling to yourself. Implementing behavioral changes is difficult and takes repetition. Second, stating "I believe I've done everything I can to fix this." Please realize that in every decision she made, you had an enabling hand in. That is what longterm relationships do... her expectations on how you would react or not react to every interaction you've ever had with her, have helped manufacture her reactions. Someone on here has a wonderful Albert Einstein quote that states (something to the affect that) you can't fix problems using the same logic that was implemented to create the problem. I take this to be a strong reason to monitor your behavioral responses to understand their impact. As an example, take the Mr. Mom aspect that you are, and your resentment towards her because she has no responsibilities. Well you enabled that. You probably saw that things needed to get done and either didn't like the way she did it or just started doing it yourself. The more you did the less she did. You enabled that. You can thank yourself that she has no responsibilities.

I'm a proponent for internal growth, learning, and change. I'm sorry if this seemed a little harsh. But in your thread nowhere did I see a conversation about your behavior and the responsibility that you are taking in this. Change comes from within.

You have had some success with the kissing and love you comments. That is something to build on and hold hope in. Also be aware that it is common. I am D'ed and I had the same kind of moments (although she was tipsy).

Keep your chin up and keep doing what works. But be true to yourself.