W returned from gym last night, nothing new. We talked about kids, S15 giving us discipline problems. We talked with him, or tried to, he yells a lot. S doesn't hold back feelings, complains that moms not home and we don't do enough for him, typical teenage entitlement arguments. We didn't talk about us. Guess it wasn't to bad of a day, W seemed very distant, but we did communicate about and with kids.
W has a bike that needs repairs, with her job its almost impossible for her to take it in. Normally I would get it done for her. I diagnosed the problem, she asked if she needed to make appointment to take it in? I said yes. This is two weeks ago. Yesterday she asked if it under warranty. My question is should I help her out with taking it in? Or let her deal with it and only help if she ask for my help?
Still sounds like she's orting it out in her head. Give her some space, follow Sandi's rules, don't show too much enthusiasm. Relax. We're all gonna make mistakes in this process, but still seems like you have progress, communication etc.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Anyone have thoughts on if helping her with the bike would be productive or not? I know it bugging her that she hasn't been able to get it in yet. I think her stubbornness is hold her back from asking for my help. I know if I offered she would be all over it. Not sure of what her reaction will be if I just do it without saying anything to her, would like to think she would be grateful.
She won't be grateful in the way you want. You've answered her questions when you didn't have to do that. She is firing you as her husband. You want to be her bike mechanic now?
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
I think my wife is totally confused on what she wants, she wants a divorce, than she misses me and loves me. I've fixed all my problems and I being someone that nobody would want to leave. w might leave me, but I'm not going to make it easy and give her any new reasons to leave. I believe I've done everything I can to fix this, now it just going to take time to prove to her I'm the man she wants to be with.
I'm not pestering, or smothering, sober, I'm going out living a happy life, making her want to be with me. She has filed, But I still haven't been served. I still believe she will serve me because I think she will test me to the limits. She might even finish it with the big D, if so there is nothing I can do but go on to the next chapter of my life. I love my W but I'm not going to make myself miserable trying to please her. I did that the first couple months trying to fix us. Sure I still have bad days where I can't get her out of my head, but I don't show her that.
She's more than welcome to come along my life journey if she chooses.
I'd just like to say that your last post is EXACTLY on the money as to what it's all about. Keep working on yourself. Be the best man you can be for her or someone else, wherever the road leads. Know that you WILL be happy eventually, with or without her.
You're going to experience the emotional roller coaster still, even though you are at peace now. Just keep that thought in your head and be happy with yourself as best you can. Thoughts are with you brother.
Me 37,W37 D8,D5 T20 years, M13 years BD-5/14 MC starts (continues)-9/14 EA discovered-10/14 Piecing(?)-11/14-5/14 "I just feel 'done'"-5/15 Trial S (I moved)-6/15/15
Made the mistake of call W this morning to tell her about problems having with S15. I was complaining about something I caught him doing. After I called her I wish I didn't. Not that W shouldn't know about kids issues, just wish I would have waited until I seen her at night after I calmed down. Old habits die hard of wanting to inform her.
No. I don't go there. Haven't in weeks. Noticed anytime I did, I got the roll of the eyes and she would get more distant. I stick to family and house stuff. Seems to go good. I sense she thinks I'm going to bring us up every time we talk, but I don't.
mobile. I have read up on your situation and have responded to one of your posts over the weekend. I re-ordered your paragraphs to respond better.
Originally Posted By: mobile
I'm not pestering, or smothering, sober, I'm going out living a happy life, making her want to be with me. She has filed, But I still haven't been served. I still believe she will serve me because I think she will test me to the limits. She might even finish it with the big D, if so there is nothing I can do but go on to the next chapter of my life. I love my W but I'm not going to make myself miserable trying to please her. I did that the first couple months trying to fix us. Sure I still have bad days where I can't get her out of my head, but I don't show her that.
It sounds as if you have the no pursuing piece down. Keep doing that. Also protect yourself and the kids from the legal and financial actions she may take against you. You need to step up and get in front if it, if it will occur.
Originally Posted By: mobile
I think my wife is totally confused on what she wants, she wants a divorce, than she misses me and loves me. I've fixed all my problems and I being someone that nobody would want to leave. w might leave me, but I'm not going to make it easy and give her any new reasons to leave. I believe I've done everything I can to fix this, now it just going to take time to prove to her I'm the man she wants to be with.
Of course she is confused. Do you think she came to this decision lightly? Probably not. However, I caution you... in being on the boards less than a month, you proclaim that you have "fixed all my problems." That sounds ignorant to me. Learning and growth is a lifestyle change. You speak as if you have found the answers and implemented them across the board. All this while still living with your W. That most likely is a fallacy you are telling to yourself. Implementing behavioral changes is difficult and takes repetition. Second, stating "I believe I've done everything I can to fix this." Please realize that in every decision she made, you had an enabling hand in. That is what longterm relationships do... her expectations on how you would react or not react to every interaction you've ever had with her, have helped manufacture her reactions. Someone on here has a wonderful Albert Einstein quote that states (something to the affect that) you can't fix problems using the same logic that was implemented to create the problem. I take this to be a strong reason to monitor your behavioral responses to understand their impact. As an example, take the Mr. Mom aspect that you are, and your resentment towards her because she has no responsibilities. Well you enabled that. You probably saw that things needed to get done and either didn't like the way she did it or just started doing it yourself. The more you did the less she did. You enabled that. You can thank yourself that she has no responsibilities.
I'm a proponent for internal growth, learning, and change. I'm sorry if this seemed a little harsh. But in your thread nowhere did I see a conversation about your behavior and the responsibility that you are taking in this. Change comes from within.
You have had some success with the kissing and love you comments. That is something to build on and hold hope in. Also be aware that it is common. I am D'ed and I had the same kind of moments (although she was tipsy).
Keep your chin up and keep doing what works. But be true to yourself.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
