what would you consider red flags as opposed to just baggage? How do these present in dating/early stages of a R?
Baggage, to me, is a person's character, habits, patterns and idiosyncrasies. Red flags, on the other hand, are issues and patterns that can have a detrimental effect on the R.
Red flags could be drugs, alcohol, domestic violence, or a mean streak. Some could be as simple as the person having a very negative vibe.
Baggage is something that one has to evaluate and determine if it's something you can live with and tolerate. Perhaps this person has a horrendous childhood that included abuse that colors this person's worldview. This is just an example I am using here.
I agree with Cadet that the focus needs to be on healing YOURSELF first before tipping your toe in the dating pool. In fact, I pretty forced myself to stay single and not consider dating for almost 4 years. The main reason behind this decision to hold off on dating was because the reasons to date were all wrong: I was lonely. I was needy. I was feeling less than whole.
You want to date from a position of being whole and feel that you have a lot to offer rather than seeking out a person to fill the emptiness inside you.
Bottom line, you MUST be emotionally healthy first before dating again. Otherwise, you're just gonna repeat some old patterns and everyone gets hurt.
I have actually witnessed rebound relationships and they NEVER work out. I had one rebound relationship myself and yep...that didn't work out for the obvious reasons: I had issues and she had issues.
In fact, I am seeing one rebound relationship unfold in my social circle and I can foresee that they will EVENTUALLY break up at some point. Why is that? Well, they got together when this girl had just broken off with her GF a month prior. Gee whiz, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
