if it's too late why is he still here?

[mahhhty]

Morning Lost... I reordered your sentences to respond better.

You're both right though, I will add that to my list of questions for my next session with my DB coach. I've been confused because DB says NOT to confront, bring up R talk etc. and that I should be acting as if.

I think you have to understand what the DB coach says. I also think your explanation of DB'ing is perhaps only partly right. DB'ing is not the idea to NOT confront the other person. It is about doing what works and doing 180s. That is my perspective. I think the no confrontation piece is only if you are the pursuer while implementing LRT.

Would I feel better if I confronted him? Maybe initially but not sure about the long run. Although I'm losing hope that there will be any change (my sister thinks for something life altering has to happen for him) I at this point still want to save my marriage.

This kind of gets me a little funky. I can see my W in this sentence. Perhaps she did everything you are doing, but I never responded just as he is not responding. Once you drop a bomb, if he does want to save the R, he will go through this life changing time (as I have). It wasn't my W's words that got me, it was her actions to get rid of me. I caution you to not fall into that trap or be so incredibly upset with him (about what you think is going on, b/c honestly you don't know what is happening right now) that you can never reconcile.

As I said before, time to reevaluate what I REALLY want and what I'm doing to get there....

I know you really want a long healthy relationship with you family in one piece. Do what works to get it. The challenge will be navigating those waters to find it.