Part 19 - keeping on keeping on

[edz]

Well my thread is turning into a bit of a Journal

Dropped off the wine with w last night and took s swimming, he was preoccupied and a bit grumpy (tired) but we had fun. Came back and just did myself a pizza as s had eaten beforehand, we had some evening time and s went to bed while I chilled out (and fell asleep on the sofa eventually). W and I were fb chatting but only on cats, s and TV nothing r based (seems a recurring theme in the evenings at the moment).

Not much going on, busy start with w picking s up this morning to take him to one of his activities. She was running later than usual so didnt stay for a coffee. Noticed defensive body language so made a point to say no problems, is she feeling a bit overwhelmed or need to talk she said no just running late.

Despite that made a point to calm down any talk for a while until she comes forward again. Apart from nice contact (like dinner / evenings there etc) not much to do apart from continue validation / warm approach / talking until she makes the next move insofar as talking about more / longer time together or us staying over etc or planning a move.

To be honest the next steps are w's to be open with s on what we are doing (it's getting hard to dance around some of his questions and since I wont lie he'll eventually nail me down and I'll have to say I cant answer that yet) tell her mum and also work through her concerns and fears. I'm here and ready to validate talk and give her the time and space she needs but not much else I can do on her timeframe apart from be patient and supportive which is what I'll do. Important that I dont fall back to being a wet lettuce and not be happy to be put into an unimportant role behind everyone else though so while she's doing that I will quieten communications with her and get on with my own things.

As I said the only timeframe is the one w raised, honestly its not impossible but I really do think she's wanting the quiet life option of waiting until her mum moves away before proceeding and I dont think thats a long term solution (I told her this last week and she said yes its crossed her mind but no its not she needs to face her but is terrified).

So, like the advert says, we wait and keep on keeping on warmly validating and communicating and practicing this patience Ive found.

Feel a little blue today, not the old "woe is me" blue just a little low that we're running slow again but thats balanced that the direction is a good one and oh so much better than I thought possible a little while ago. Ultimately Im only human and I want us to be together I have to have faith that its also important HOW we get there and making sure the ground we build this new relationship on doesnt have the same pitfalls in it with MIL, lack of communications, suffocation or me being put last.

Its a difficult old balancing act.

keeping on keeping on... 227 days? Last time I mentioned not locking us down to a time (for her more than me) w seemed adamant on it, Mmm doesnt seem long enough to me today but lets see.