Kramer's Journey

[Kramer]

Thanks for the support regarding Mothers Day. I ended up not getting her anything. Not even a card. I also did not call or text her. That was hard.

What I did do was bring Flores, chocolate strawberries, and a card to her mother. She has been good to me for the last 17 years, and is the only mother figure I have since mine is dead. She was appreciative and we had a nice chat. Didn't talk about her daughter/my wife at all.

I then cooked dinner for her kids since she was enjoying Mothers Day with OM and his 3 small children. We had a nice time. I will say that it is pretty weird how everybody has just accepted this situation as the new norm.

I am feeling sadder and more melancholy today, so a definite backslide from last week when I was more angry than anything else. They say recovery and grief do not follow a linear path, and I agree with that.

What I am wrestling with now is an overwhelming urge to reach out to my wife. I have done well maintaining silence lately, but now am getting persistent thoughts that perhaps she is digging in her heels because I didn't fight hard enough to get her back. I sent so many emails about my feelings, and am reasonably sure that she knows how I feel. I know that I need to portray strength and confidence, but I just have these doubts lately. It does upset me that we have never had an actual conversation about things. She is likely to angry or embarrassed to have a comprehensive conversation, and she only communicates via text or email. Weird, but I don't know how to change that. How sad that our 17 year old marriage is ending via text, without even an honest attempt at fixing things.