Life after D - 01 - going from dark to light

[gogofo]

Another update

Had a great last weekend. Hung out at my brother’s barber shop and then went out with my friend. Bar hopped a little and ran into some other friends and there mom. She was very interested in me meeting one of her daughter’s friends. I guess word is out that I am single and I guess people still think highly of me as a good person.

So this girl and I chatted it up for a while and exchanged phone numbers while her fiend (that I know) was harassing me the whole time about hitting on her friend. Nice try, but not embarrassed. She is a cute younger girl who lives in a town about 15 miles away so we had never crossed paths before.

Went home that night and started to smoke some pulled pork for a house warming party I was having on Saturday.

House full of good friends on Saturday night, most had not seen my new place and we had not all been together as a big group in a long time. It was a really fun time. Tried inviting the girl and her friends from the night before but they did not respond to my text message that night until super late.

Come 6:25 in the morning the girl sends a text message to harass me since she knew I was partying the night before. I laid in bed, with a well-earned headache, until about 11:00 while texting back and forth with her all morning.

Decided I would be out of character and ask her to dinner that night. I would usually wait to try and casually run into her or be scared of rejection, but I am trying to put myself out there and not be shy or reserved. I have been trying to push my comfort limits and try to progress.

It took her about 1.5 hours to respond, but she said yes and seemed enthusiastic. She later admitted that shots of tequila may have clouded her memory of how I looked, but said she remembered thinking that I was handsome. What newly divorced middle aged man doesn’t like to hear that from a 26 year old.

So we met and had a quiet dinner and I was nervous, first time doing this in 10 years, but wanted to push my limits. We hugged and parted and went home. It was enjoyable and slightly awkward but I don’t think she noticed. Texted a little back and forth last night and seems we may be meeting up again sometime soon. It was weird to feel self-conscious about myself, noticed thinning hair a year ago and had a fever blister that was healing. I felt old and it felt unusual to talk about my kids while having dinner. Sometimes I feel like I am damaged goods, but I am working through those feelings and focusing on all the positives about me.

I am nervous about what I will feel or how I will act after being through the pain of divorce, but I have been trying to do me work. I have also started to re-read a book about starting over after a divorce. Not sure what I am looking for, besides having fun, but I plan to take it slow.

So things have been looking up and progressing for me. I think less and less about the D and XW with the more I do and all the GAL I am trying to get in. I am trying to continue to do my work as I feel I am not a complete “person” right now, but I am well on my way.