Hope- I LOVE hearing from you! You have a succinct way of putting things and it makes me feel good. You have amazing perspective and insight. Thank you for sharing it with me.

uR- Hey, babe! Do you feel like you are on a merry-go-round with me? I swear, I really have been better! Sun and Mon really threw me for a loop. More that I anticipated.

Today was a little better. However, I noticed I had an email in my junk folder at work. I knew what that meant. It was from xh. I had blocked him in the fall after he sent that crazy email to s18 and cc'd me on my work email. Anyway, it actually diverts to my junk folder.

He just had some dumb question about s18's class. And, since he has been emailing the teacher, I'm not sure why he didn't just ask him. Especially since it was from an email from the teacher! Whatever. It was lame. But it did come yesterday, and I considered it a blessing that I didn't notice it until today. I was in a much stronger place today than yesterday, and it would have thrown me more off kilter than I already was.

Been bombarded with $ things. One thing after another. I am pretending it's not an issue and trying to grin and bear it. Hopefully everything will pan out. Working another job this summer, so trying to make it till then. But I actually have that $ earmarked for other things... but... I'm... still... grinning...

uR... it's funny, this morning as I was getting ready for work, I kept focusing on acceptance. And how it's really the key to everything. Then later, you post that to me. So... obviously...

I mean, I believe I am in such a better place bc of it. I believe I had accepted things, for the most part, prior to round 2. But, I guess, knowing things I know now, it makes it a little more difficult. However, I need to focus on other things I know. Like- he went back. It was a choice he made. And that's that. Still struggling with the baby thing. But, I need to work through it.

I am trying to work through all parts. I have no intention of staying in any of these places. I don't like them. I just want peace and happiness.

I notice, as I work my way back, that it's like these demons.. they come out of nowhere. I have to fight them off. It's a horrible feeling. These dark shadows of truth... and lies, for that matter. But, I have to take power over them. Accept the truth for what it is. Accept the lies are... and that in the end, I have no control of it. By accepting it, I can take control over it.

I'm getting there. But here is an example. For the most part, I am letting go of the thoughts of hww. For awhile, I thought about how I just wanted her truth to be know. Since I have to live in this town and she can walk around with this "family"... blah, blah... you know. But, I have been getting to the point where I don't care and can live with it being. Having faith that she will suffer the consequences of her actions... and not through me.
But then, I thought I saw her in my neighborhood today. Driving past me on my way home. I was carpooling. It did stay in the corner of my mind... if I knew that was her, I'd get out of this car.... I won't continue. But, I'm just saying... there is something still there. And that's why I hate the thought of running into her.

But, like I said... I am getting over it. I can tell. It's just an uphill battle.