Separated/MLC No Change

[25yearsmlc]

For GAL suggestions, let me mention some of what I did when we lived in the interior of Alaska, even in the winter.

And I had 3 kids, including a baby (so you know I don't want to hear about how you are 'too busy' to GAL).

Inertia & "discomfort" are the greatest enemies to GAL. Overcome them, & you'll be well on your way to a happier more fulfilling life, regardless of what your spouse chooses.

IMO, the more you overcome these obstacles, the better your R's will be with all people, including your h.

Okay so...

I volunteered at a battered women's shelter. (Then was on the Bd of Directors, which actually was a great networking channel for me later).

I coached a girl's softball team, two summers (my older D was on it).

I was on the board of directors for Wrestling, (b/c our son wrestled).

I auditioned for community theater and met some fun creative people. I got cast often, too.

I did stand up comedy (and yes, I still do it). I did a whole set once on a MLCs at the "Improv" in Hollywood. It went very well.

I learned to cross country ski, and got better at downhill skiing.

I Learned to hunt big game, & became an excellent shot.

I learned to fly fish & to deep sea fish too.

I learned to use a snowmobile (i.e. a "snow machine" to Alaskans)
I loved riding it!

I finally learned to fly a plane, and I got a pilot's license. (Long time dream of mine).

I went skydiving. Loved it so much I did it again. I plan on doing it again, soon!

I edited a book. (The book ended up on the Best Seller's List. OMG Who knew?)

I Worked out 3-4 times a week, and I really did get in excellent shape.

Right or wrong, Looking good made a world of difference to me. Found a work out partner and began socializing after the work outs.

(Plus I'd just had our last child, and yes I needed to lose the baby weight. It was NOT easy to do, especially in the dark, deathly cold of the LONG Alaskan winters).


I saw a therapist and for some months, went on ADs.
Took a pottery class (very odd for me to do, but I actually liked it a lot).
Joined the Officer's Wives club after 15 years of being active duty.

(Wish I had joined sooner! There, I met two women who are life long friends to this day.)
Joined a writer's group and met intelligent creative people.

Took a class in Conversational French, & I took a class in Italian cooking - still benefits us!

There is more, but I just wanted to suggest to you a few things you can do that do not cost a lot. Other than pilot training, most of these ^^ activities were free, or quite cheap.

I'm sure you have your own set of dreams and goals OR that you can come up with some.

IT's the hardest I've ever worked to just feel normal or ok. But it worked even better.

THAT is why we hammer GAL so much here; it truly helps.

Oh and btw, it also makes us a lot more attractive to the world, which sometimes includes our WAS's.

I became happier and more loving. The forgiveness lessons I got were invaluable.

Seriously, I was pretty content. And I was much less terrified of being "alone" - in part b/c I knew I would not be alone if I didn't want to be. But I knew that financially I'd be fine (which I only knew b/c I saw a lawyer and got information. Knowledge is power and the more I knew I'd be fine without h, the better my GAL was the more content

and LESS OBSESSIVE I became b/c the fears were decreased..so yes, you must see a Lawyer asap)

I believe that when we are truly, inwardly content with ourselves and have done the work we needed to do, that inner peace somehow radiates from within. And it is attractive.

A LOT of men came hit on me in those years, and I felt attracted to some of them, which was refreshing and empowering too. I have to think some of it was that they wanted to be near someone who was happy with herself. And yes, that did eventually include h.

Frankly, I had to be convinced to try again at the marriage when h showed interest (and he didn't just give "signs". HE SAID things I needed to hear and he was clear about it. You won't have to "guess" when your h is really ready to work on things b/c if he's emotionally there, he'll tell you. )


Good luck and keep on posting. IF you work this program it does get better.