Luke, when I was going through all of this, I got to my xh's affair up close as he stayed in the house almost 2 years after bomb date.

He had gained a lot of weight over the years. It never bothered me, I loved him as he was, though I worried about his health.

I watched him work so hard to lose that weight for her. I watched him buy all new clothes. He even started getting manicures, which was something he would laugh at in the past.

He would get all dressed up, then be in a frenzy to leave the house.

He slept with her on our 25th wedding anniversary.

That all hurt a lot until it didnt. It was a long road to get to there. I am not going to lie.

But I began to see how sad it was...that he felt he needed to become someone so different than who he was in order to feel accepted. I couldnt imagine feeling like that.

He went against all he once believed in.

I used to imagine all these scenarios in my head of how the affair played out. Many of them were wrong. I have spoken to several people who have gone through MLC's. I asked them about their affairs.

They all told me that it wasnt the way people thought. How can it be, when they are in crisis, hurting their family, broken and often with people more broken than them?

One of them told me that it was like he was looking down on his life and someone else was living it. He felt desperation to feel better. And the high from it wore off quickly but he felt as if he had no choice but to continue to try to find something to fill the void he felt.

I thought about my xh's ow. I knew her. She was a mess and married, but, the truth is, she couldnt shine my shines. She wasnt worthy of my headspace.

My xh became someone he wasnt. Some of the things he said and did he honestly doesnt remember.

It really had nothing to do with me and everything to do with how broken he was.

And in the end, the weight loss, the new clothes, the wining and dining and secret meetings...didnt fix him. Not by a long shot.

He knows he lost someone who had his back and loved him unconditionally. How sad for him.

I no longer hurt from the affair. As I said, she matters not because I know my worth.

What happened between them isnt what you imagine in your head. Trust me on that.