I am going nuts Last two days i feel like i am unraveling. i am certainly talking the talk and i know what i need to do, i am just having doubts as to what i am seeing. The ups and downs are hard to deal with.
Right now, the biggest issue i am having is the struggle to establish a boundary for me for lack of transparancy with wifes relationships with male friends. It is difficult becuase i do not want to do something from a place of trying to control the siutuation, or trying to 'set some big scheme in motion' to make my MR get to a better place, quicker. On the other hand, this IS something that legitimately bothers me, with the secrecy of communications with men or the likelyhood of something that did go on that i've been lied to about. She has emails, texts, messaging that i have never looked at, nor could i if i wanted to without her opening these things to me willingly.
Her behaviors a year ago, if i would have typed them here, would have been described at Wayward, the spew, the absolute distance and cringing at any contact, it felt like i was despised by her. She stayed away from the house as often as possible to get away from us. the quickly hiding the phone as soon as i walked in the room, all of it. I was too dumb to figure out what she was up to, i was too scared to do anything about it anyways. She even told me a year + ago that one of our friends had accused her of having an affair with another one of our friends, the name she gave me was rediculous (think Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and then add a level of not likely to it)...could have been the accuser and the tale she told me could have been shaded the truth of the accusation with a silly name to add a level of confusion if the real name ever came out. I have really looked at possibilities and one of these is no longer 'around' after wife and him were close for some time. It has been 6 months or so since she has had any sort of dealings with him. The accuser friend, wife and i have been friends with for years and i know they are still in contact.
I feel stronger now then i was a year ago, but is this something that i need to dredge up or something that is still going on, but she has learned to hide things so expertly that even while i am paying attention, i still have no proof.
Maybe i am scared still to rock the boat, IDK, i've not moved on this with lack of PROOF. I know at this point i could use some help trying to figure this one out.
