Lucy, I'm going to move your last posting to your thread over in the newcomers. Why? Because it is important to post these things also on your current thread so that others may read and comment and hopefully provide advice to you.
I will respond there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
