Whoa, I'm not suffering much anymore! Now what?!?

[Pyrite]

Again with same line(me and you) Z - dont get me wrong the tables could be turned here and you giving me this comeback after I voice the same "self-doubt".

Your questions of yourself are all valid. All I am saying is that there is only one way to answer them, and you know what that is. Also - IF ONLY I had've asked these questions of myself before. IF ONLY I had've even considered these questions could and should be asked. How many prospective partners out there do you think have asked these questions of themselves? How many of them do you think should have? Have been in the position we are in, or on the other side, and medicated their way out?

I am concerned that WE are rising our expectations in this respect. I envisage getting into a new R and my partner not open to this kind of discussion should it ever arise. We are in a minority I suspect. But not in the sense being emotionally ill equipped to deal with Rs, if etc. In the sense that we are pulling everything out of it that we can.

I am looking forward to an adult relationship. But I think the majority of adults are carrying all these flaws we are trying to resolve. Prospective partners are likely to have medicated their way out of similar R breakdowns and run straight to them if/when problems arise again. Should we then impose our "much better" way to grow out of them? Wouldn't that be "like" controlling again.

Maybe we can hope for the right person, that is either naturally equipped or has DBed their way out of this crap. I do think there is a chance of finding this. As SunnyB hinted at, more "experienced" partners might exhibit this, which for me now is a more important quality than those I considered 10 years ago.

In summary Z, the fact that you are even asking these questions suggests to me that you are already a cut above. I'm not suggesting you should start looking for Mrs Z - just dont NOT look. Nothing would make me happier than hearing you post that you have met someone that stirred feelings in you that you thought were academically dissolved and gone - well - maybe if i posted the same i would be pretty happy about that too.