The Dance of Pursuit and Distance (new)

[Lucy105]

I found out today that my husband is in deeper with OW than I thought he was. I was told he is flaunting it quite a lot around our restaurant. They say he's gotten very good at lying to justify his situation. He has told everyone we are divorcing, except for me. Last we talked about it, he took it off the table because he agreed we weren't in any position to be making those decisions.....he so very angry, and it was an emotional time for me. He hasn't taken any legal steps that I am aware of. He can't afford an attorney.

He is neglecting all the bills for the restaurant, he hasn't picked up the mail from the PO Box for two weeks, so he's not paying anything. I think he knows I will be there to save him if he doesn't take care of things. He doesn't seem to care about anything except her.

He hired another cook to give him more time off to be with her also.

I believe he likes having the security of having both her and I in the picture, we both offer different things to him. From me he gets knowledge of the business, many of the things we do are in my name and contact, and I am his fall back to handle what he hasn't. I have been extremely uplifting and positive to him, saving him a couple times when he needed last min favors for the restaurant.

But being positive isn't working, and I've pulled back. I have a couple questions that I need help with. If I'm going to become the distancer, and hoping for him to become the pursuer, if I do not speak to him or see him, and he needs favors for the business......what if it just makes him angry? He only wants me in the business when he needs something, so I don't have an issue not doing for him, I just want to know if anger is a normal part of it?

I don't want to be used! He needs to realize that if he's going to push me out, he has to be willing to stand on his own two feet.

Also, If he pushes the issue, is there anything I should say to him to kindly let him know where I stand. I had read somewhere to say something like "I love you, and I hope you can free yourself from the addiction of your affair."